Tagged: “Enright Forgiveness Process Model”

Can you recommend a film with a theme of forgiveness for my 12-year-old athletic son? He loves sports and has been hurt by his father.

June 22, 2024 directorifi No comments

I would recommend the film, Field of Dreams, in which Kevin Costner reconciles with his estranged father at the end of the film. You can use this to discuss with your son the beauty of forgiving his own father, without putting pressure on him to forgive.

Which is the deeper form of forgiving: being respectful of the offending person or trying to love that person?

June 21, 2024 directorifi No comments

If by the term love you mean willing the good of that person and then acting on this even when it is painful for you to do so, then love in this sense is much deeper than respect. Respect is highly valued, but it does not cost the forgiver as much struggle and even pain as love in this sense does. You can be respectful from a distance. Love in service to others requires you to enter into that other person’s life to be of help, in this case to aid in leading a better life.

I read recently that people can learn to forgive in as little as 2 or 3 hours. Can Forgiveness Therapy really be that quick?

June 21, 2024 directorifi No comments

We have to make a distinction between the hard work of forgiveness in therapy when the person has deep hurts from severe injustices and quick learning about forgiveness. The quick process can be effective when a person is confronting mild injustices from others and comes to such interventions with minimal emotional compromise. The modern norms of finding quick solutions to everything can be an illusion to be avoided. When deeply hurt by others’ cruelty, please be prepared to walk a path of forgiveness that is not quick. This can lead to scientifically supported emotional health gains.

When I was talking with a friend about forgiveness, this was her response: “I am no push-over. I fear that if I forgive, then I become that push-over. I have to stand up for what is right. I have to stand up for myself.” I was not sure how to respond to this. Would you please help me?

May 31, 2024 directorifi No comments

Your friend seems to think that if she forgives, then she gives up her right to justice. This is not true. Forgiveness and justice can exist together. So, she can have the mercy of forgiveness and then ask for fairness from the other person.

What is your recommendation for my helping a friend consider forgiveness when she is very angry about what happened? I worry that if I use the word “forgiveness” she will quickly dismiss it.

May 31, 2024 directorifi No comments

You could start this way: You could start with yourself and gently describe how you overcame deep anger by forgiving someone who was unfair to you. It is important, in such a conversation, that you keep the focus at first on yourself. It also is important that you describe what forgiveness is, including that it does not excuse unjust behavior. If your friend sees your success in forgiving and understands what forgiveness is and is not, she may eventually be open to the possibility of forgiveness. Please keep in mind that this is her choice, whether to forgive or not.