Tagged: “Enright Forgiveness Process Model”
I am trying to find your journal article in which you worked on forgiveness therapy with men in a correctional institution. I cannot find that article. Would you please provide that reference?
Yes, here is that reference:
Yu, L., Gambaro, M., Song, J., Teslik, M., Song, M., Komoski, M.C., Wollner, B., & Enright, R.D. (2021). Forgiveness therapy in a maximum-security correctional institution: A randomized clinical trial. Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy. https://doi.org/10.1002/cpp.2583
The person I am forgiving thinks that upon my forgiveness, our relationship can proceed as if the injustices never happened. How do I get him to realize this is not correct?
He has to see the difference between forgiving and reconciling. He might see your forgiving as giving in to his unacceptable behavior, which forgiving is not. This distinction between forgiving and reconciling may help him to see that he has work to do if the relationship will improve.
Is there more than one definition of forgiveness?
There are many people who have different definitions of forgiveness, but in the vast majority of cases, people assert their definitions without defending them or explaining how they arrived at that definition. We at the International Forgiveness Institute rely on the teaching of the ancient Greek philosopher, Aristotle, because he has, in our view, the most comprehensive ideas of what constitutes any moral virtue. He gives complete descriptions of the moral virtues, in other words, without reducing the meaning of the virtues. With that in mind, we define forgiving this way: When treated unfairly by others, a person forgives by willingly working on reducing negative thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and striving to offer more positive thoughts, feelings, and behaviors toward them. At the same time, the forgiver does not excuse the unjust behavior, automatically reconcile, or abandon the quest for justice.
The other’s behavior repulses me. Does this mean I have not forgiven?
You can be repulsed by the other’s behavior when you forgive, but a central point of forgiving is to separate the person and the behavior. The challenge is to see the person as possessing inherent worth even if you are repulsed by the behavior.
Is respect or love higher in the forgiveness process?
Both are worthy parts of forgiving. You can respect a person from a distance. When you love, you are entering into a deeper commitment to aiding the other person, as best you can, given your particular circumstance with this person at the moment. This “entering-in” makes love deeper, more special, and more challenging.
