Tagged: “forgive”
In my culture, filial piety is very important. This is a strong loyalty toward parents. I am emotionally unsettled because of how my father treated me in the past. Yet, I do not want to reconcile with my father. Do you recommend that I forgive if I can’t reconcile?
You can forgive without reconciling. Because of the importance of filial piety, your emotions may become more settled if you forgive and then, because of the past treatment, you do not have to approach your father, unless you are ready to do so.
If I forgive my friend from several years ago, do I have to reconnect and tell him this?
No, you can forgive from your heart and you do not have to let the person know, especially if you already have decided that you will not reconcile.
I was hurt by a friend several years ago. When I think about forgiving, I know we will never reconcile and so I get lazy about forgiving. What are your thoughts about this?
If you still are emotionally unsettled because of what happened between you, then you can forgive and it likely will be in your best interest to do so. Reducing inner discontent is one good reason to offer forgiveness to this person.
If a person’s actions are hurtful but there was no intention to hurt you, is this forgivable? In other words, does a person have to intend to hurt me to qualify for my forgiving?
There are examples of people not intending to hurt you that still are unfair. Because the actions are unfair, you can forgive, if you so choose. Here is an example: Suppose a person is texting on a cell phone while driving a car. The person goes through a red light, with no intention to do so, and hits your car and your leg now is broken. Even though this person did not mean to hurt you, the action was such that the person should have been paying more attention. Thus, this is an injustice, even without an intention to act unjustly. As an injustice, you can go ahead and forgive.
Is it harder to forgive if a person is filled with anger compared with another person who is filled with pain and sorrow after being treated unfairly?
It seems to me that if the anger is very intense and includes resentment or even hatred, then, yes, it is harder to forgive. Some people who are fuming with anger cannot even use the word “forgiveness” because it intensifies the anger. At the same time, if a person has deep sorrow, sometimes there is an accompanying lack of energy and the person needs some time to mourn first. At such times, the person needs to be gentle with the self as emotional healing takes place.
