Tagged: “Forgiveness Education”
Regarding my earlier question about getting an apology from the one who hurt me, isn’t it important that I wait for an apology for this other person’s sake? After all, if I forgive, he might think all is fine and not change.
You can help this person to become more fair with you whether you first forgive or not. Why can’t you seek justice from the other after you have forgiven? As you forgive, ask something of the other.
Do you think an apology is necessary before I can forgive?
If you must wait for an apology from the one who hurt you, then you are giving too much power to this person. Why retain resentment in your heart just because the person will not utter three words: “Please forgive me.” You are free to forgive when you are ready.
Dr. Enright and the International Forgiveness Institute are one of the ‘Six Things Psychologists are Talking About’….
The American Psychological Association (APA) features a monthly column on their website entitled ‘Six Things Psychologists Are Talking About’ and in August of this year they featured a podcast interview with Dr. Enright on the healing power of forgiveness as one of the ‘six things’! The episode is entitled ‘The Power of Forgiving Those Who’ve Hurt You’ and features a wide-ranging conversation with Dr. Enright as he shares what forgiveness is, how it can help people grow and heal in a variety of ways, and how the forgiveness education initiatives sponsored by the International Forgiveness Institute have impacted thousands of children and communities around the world. The podcast is roughly 30 minutes and is great to listen to while driving, taking a walk, or even folding laundry. 🙂
Enright shared the following in the podcast regarding what inspires him to keep doing the work of forgiveness education after 38 years:
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What keeps me going is the passion for what we find. It has actually surprised me, the strength of the findings when people are gravely hurting psychologically, and are healed from, let’s say, major depressive disorder. And that gives me a hope, and the hope keeps me going, that we can indeed create a better world, one heart at a time. And so, I would say on the table as my wishlist, more insight that forgiveness education is worthwhile for children and adolescents. And, here’s a big one, community forgiveness. And we’re actually starting to work on that in different war-torn communities, especially in Africa.
We’ve been approached by four different communities in different geographic areas of Africa. Coming to us, saying, “Can you help us? We have had civil wars.” I just had a meeting this past week with someone from an African community who told me one million people, Kim, one million people have died in this century from the civil wars. And he said, “We need to bring forgiveness into communities, into individual hearts, families and communities, and then community to community.” But see, both communities have to be astute enough and motivated enough to become well-versed in forgiveness. And then, what will happen? I want to find out.
Be sure to check out the podcast to hear more about the power of forgiveness to bring healing to you, your loved ones, and the world!
When I try to forgive my partner, and look into his past, I sometimes get angrier than before. I say to myself, “What am I doing!?” In other words, I still see the other’s behavior as unacceptable and this makes me angry. What do you suggest?
When you look toward the person’s past, do you slip into the error of excusing what the other did? If you see that you are trying to excuse, that could make you angrier. After all, past hurts are no excuse to hurt others. If you can resist excusing and from a position of truly calling the other’s behavior wrong, what happens in your emotions when you see a wounded person, a confused person, perhaps a person manipulated or mistreated in other ways by important people in his or her life? Does this stir in you a little compassion, as long as you resist the conclusion that he or she just couldn’t help it?
I have forgiven my ex-partner. She does not want to reconcile. I want to reconcile. So, I keep forgiving in the hope of reconciliation. Is it ok to forgive with my goal of a possible reconciliation?
Yes, you can offer overtures of forgiving from a distance, but please be careful that you do not use forgiving as a manipulation of the other’s feelings. When you forgive, try to make the motivation the other’s well-being. Try to forgive for the other and not for what you can get out of this. Respect the other’s decisions for now. In other words, as you forgive, you have the other’s best interest at heart and if she does not want to reconcile right now, part of your task is to accept this. Be open to the possibility of a reconciliation, but try also not to push too hard at that reconciliation.
