Tagged: “forgiveness is a choice”
A friend of mine uses a lot of sarcasm. When confronted with this as being kind of nasty, he says, “Lighten up! It was only a joke.” I think he harbors deep anger within him. What do you think?
If this is a pattern and if he sees that others are hurt (which you imply that he does), then, yes, I suspect the same: hidden (from him) and deep anger. He may need to courageously explore who has hurt him in the past and try to practice forgiving, if he chooses. It might lessen or even eliminate his hurtful sarcasm.
Can a person’s pride block forgiveness? In other words, it may lead a person to “dig in” and insist on an apology.
Yes, I do think that at times pride can lead to a resistance to try forgiving those who have acted unfairly. We have to be careful, however, because some cultures and faiths require an apology prior to forgiving. If pride is blocking the forgiveness process, it might help if the person requiring the apology contemplates this question: “Are you hurting yourself by insisting on the apology? Might you be preventing yourself from reducing resentment and being set free from emotional disruption as you wait for a prior response from the other?”
My father passed away about a year ago and I still have some unfinished business with my anger toward him. Can a person forgive someone who has passed away and if so, how do I go about this?
Yes, people can forgive those who have passed away. I have written an essay on this for Psychology Today. Here is a link to that essay:
Can You Forgive a Person Who Has Died?
So, how do I get over my anger if I no longer see the person? I cannot exactly vent toward this person. What do you suggest?
If you choose to forgive, that other person need not be present to you. You can begin, when you are ready, to see the inherent worth in that person. This takes time, but over time this can reduce your anger.
I tend to have a sympathetic nature. This kind of worries me because when I forgive might I just give in to others’ demands?
As you forgive, it is important to realize that you can and should ask for fairness from those whom you forgive. If you keep in mind the teamwork of forgiving and seeking justice, then this should be a safeguard against giving in to others’ demands.
