Tagged: “Forgiveness Process”

I have read your views that to forgive for my own sake is honorable because it centers on self-care.  I, though, have a different reason for forgiving.  I want to forgive so that I am acting in a consistent way with my faith.  God asks us to forgive and I want to honor that.  Forgiving enriches my life and those around me.  Do you think self-care is more important than my views on this?

No, I do not think that forgiving for the sake of self-care is more important than your reason for forgiving.  In general (but certainly not always), I tend to find this: At first, people are highly motivated to forgive to get rid of the suffering of emotional pain.  Eventually, people develop other reasons to keep forgiving and to forgive other people for offenses.  One such new development is exactly what you are saying, to forgive to be consistent with one’s strongly held beliefs from faith.  So, these two reasons for forgiving are not mutually exclusive.  The one (the reason from faith) often emerges once the inner wounds begin to heal.

I want to forgive to restore an important relationship.  Yet, I am afraid to begin the forgiveness process because the other may not want the relationship anymore.  Under this circumstance, is it reasonable for me to reject forgiving?

Actually, it is very reasonable for you to continue moving forward with the forgiveness process.  As you are aware, forgiveness does not provide a guarantee that the other will accept your overture of forgiving.  Yet, if you forgive, you are opening the other to this possibility of a new start in the relationship. Even if the other rejects your forgiving, you have done your best, you may experience emotional healing, and so you can move on well regardless of what the other decides to do.

If I want to start the forgiveness journey in order to forget, am I starting it for the wrong reason?

There are many reasons people have for forgiving and one’s own well-being is one of those reasons. It is typical for a person to be motivated to forgive so that some emotional relief is realized from the pain of the injustice. So, your motivation certainly is not dishonorable and shows that you want and need self-care for what happened to you.

Your Unfolding Love Story for 2021

In March of 2014, we posted a reflection here in which we encouraged you to grow in love as your legacy of 2014.

The challenge was this: Give love away as your legacy of 2014.

We challenged you again in 2015…..and 2016……and we kept going. 

Our challenge to you now is this: Give love away as your legacy of 2021.

One way to start is by looking backward at one incident of 2020. Please think of one incident with one person in which you were loved unconditionally, perhaps even surprised by a partner or a parent or a caring colleague.

Think of your reaction when you felt love coming from the other and you felt love in your heart and the other saw it in your eyes. What was said? How were you affirmed for whom you are, not necessarily for something you did? What was the other’s heart like, and yours?

Can you list some specific, concrete ways in which you have chosen love over indifference? Love over annoyance? If so, what are those specifics and how are they loving? We ask because 2021 is about half over. When it is January 1, 2022, and you look back on the year 2021, what will you see? Now is your chance to put more love in the world.

Tempus fugit. Your good will, free will, and strong will can point to a year of more love…..and the clock is ticking.

Robert

How can one reconcile with a NPD spouse, who has been emotionally and physically abusive and forced to leave?