Tagged: “Forgiveness Process”
I think that self-acceptance is better than self-forgiveness because it avoids the controversy that a person cannot actually forgive the self. What do you think about this?
As you can see from the other recent posts here, I have responded to criticisms of self-forgiveness, concluding that it is a reasonable approach when a person is engaged in self-loathing. Self-acceptance does not go as far as self-forgiveness. In other words, when you deeply self-forgive, you are loving yourself again, after a possible period of excessive self-condemnation. Self-acceptance does not necessarily include loving the self; it might instead involve tolerating or even respecting the self, without the added, higher challenge of trying to love the self as you love others. So the two are not the same, and I see self-forgiveness as the higher moral path.
I read a while back one of your essays on self-loathing and forgiveness. Can you point me in the right direction so that I can re-read that essay?
Yes, that essay was published on Psychology Today’s website here:
The Cure for Self Loathing? Self-Forgiveness, July 22, 2017
One other question: Might self-forgiveness lead to an excessive focus on myself? I do not need self-absorption.
You need the moral virtue of temperance when you forgive others and when you forgive yourself. In other words, take some time, but do not overdo it when forgiving others or yourself. The exercise of the virtue of temperance will be a protection against overdoing a focus on the self.
Thank for your answer to my previous question about self-forgiveness. I still am having a problem with self-forgiveness. It is this: How can I genuinely decide whether I have wronged myself, given that I am now the defendant (I did wrong) and the judge of my own conduct? In a court of law, the defendant and the judge differ. In the case of self-forgiveness, aren’t I taking on both roles?
No, you are not taking on both roles of defendant and judge when you forgive yourself. Why? It is because when you self-forgive, you are not doing so in a court of law. Instead, you are deciding, through your own conscience, that you did wrong and you are welcoming yourself back into the human community, just as you do when you forgive others who have hurt you. The courtroom analogy for self-forgiveness is a false analogy.
In your experience, what is one big stumbling block to self-forgiveness?
I have found that some people reach the incorrect conclusion that self-forgiveness is impossible because they cannot forgive their own sins. Yet, when you self-forgive, you are not forgiving your sins. Instead, you are striving to rekindle a sense of your own self-worth, having compassion on yourself for what you did. It is similar to forgiving other people. You do not forgive their sins when you forgive, but instead are responding to them with mercy, as worthwhile people in spite of the unjust behavior.
