Tagged: “forgiveness”

As you are aware, bullying in schools has become a big problem.  In my reading, it seems that the focus mostly is on the victims of bullying.  While this is a good thing, I wonder what your views are regarding the rehabilitation of those who are continually bullying others.

Yes, I do have a viewpoint on this and it is expressed in an essay I have written on this topic entitled, A New Approach to School Bullying: Eliminate Their Anger, at my blog site on the Psychology Today website.  That essay can be found here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-forgiving-life/201612/new-approach-school-bullying-eliminate-their-anger

We also have a free curriculum for educators and mental health professionals on our International Forgiveness Institute website here.  A link to that curriculum is below:

 

The Anti-Bullying Forgiveness Program

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From your own experience in being with other people, how do you think it is possible for some people to forgive horrendous acts (such as murder of a loved one and genocide).

Yes, I have seen people who have forgiven others for “horrendous acts.”  For example, Marietta Jaeger forgave the murderer of her daughter.  The High Medieval philosopher, Thomas Aquinas, would say it takes divine grace to infuse the heart with the moral virtue of charity.  In other words, he would say that one cannot do this by oneself.  It is an intriguing point, even a challenging one, for those without a transcendent faith.  Marietta did acknowledge that it was the grace of God that made forgiveness possible for her.

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Is it even possible to forgive without first reconciling?  After all, how can you forgive when you cannot trust the other person?

Forgiveness is not about trusting the other person’s behavior.  Instead, on its highest level, to forgive is to strive to love the other person, to acknowledge this person’s inherent worth as a person, even through your own pain caused by the other’s injustice.  To offer this love, you do not have to trust that the other now will behave with moral goodness toward you.  Forgiveness may open the door of your heart to consider reconciliation if the other’s behavior now is safe for you.

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What would you say to someone who refuses to reconcile with the one who hurt him or her?

The person who refuses to reconcile might have legitimate trust issues in that the other person continues to behave unjustly.  The person who refuses to reconcile, rather than struggling with legitimate trust issues toward the other person, may have inner turmoil to such an extent that it is difficult to reach out in forgiveness, which is a step before reconciliation.  In this latter case, the one who will not reconcile may need first to work on forgiving and on  his or her own trust issues.  In other words, deep hurts and unforgiveness can make it difficult to  trust people who are trustable.

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