Tagged: “forgiveness”
How is it possible, given your experience, for someone to forgive those who have done horrible things (such as genocide)?
I do not expect people to readily want to forgive those who have done horrible things. Some people say that once such horrible acts occur, then forgiveness is never possible. Yet, there are those who have forgiven people for such atrocities. It is a matter of public record: Corrie Ten Boom in her book, The Hiding Place, is just one example as she forgave Nazis for killing her family members.
I use the term “forgivingly fit” to describe how it is possible for people to forgive where others would never even consider it. As people continually practice forgiveness in the little things of life, they build up an insight and a practice of forgiving that helps them when tragedy strikes. This does not at all mean that those who refuse to forgive in these contexts are bad people, not at all. We all have a choice of forgiving or not and to refuse should not lead to other people condemning them for this.
For additional information, see The Four Phases of Forgiveness.
Is it possible to genuinely forgive without reconciliation?
Yes, people can genuinely forgive even if they are not able to reconcile with another because of the other’s continual hurtful behavior. When one forgives in this way, he or she commits to doing no harm to the other, works at reducing resentment, and strives to offer goodness. In the latter case that might mean, for example, giving a donation to charity in that person’s name, without interacting with the person because of the possibility of further injury.
For additional information, see Do I Have to Reconcile with the Other When I Forgive?
What would you say to someone who refuses to reconcile with another after that other shows legitimate remorse, has apologized, and is very ready to reconcile?
The one who was hurt may have trust issues with the one who did the injuring. In other words, this could be the 25th incident of hurt. Try to discern how often the person has been hurt by the other. If there is a pattern, then it is understandable why the injured person is hesitant to reconcile.
In this kind of case, I recommend being aware of small steps, done by the injuring person, to truly change and be trustworthy. If the one who acted unfairly does not characteristically engage in hurtful actions, then perhaps there is a trust issue (in the one who refuses to forgive) that goes back a long way, even to childhood. Those who are mistreated by parents, for example, have difficulty establishing trust in their later relationships with others. If this is the case, then practicing forgiving of parents may help the person to more easily trust people in the present and move toward a healthy reconciliation.
For additional information, see Learning to Forgive Others.
Do you think that the root cause of any person’s persistent anger, pessimism, and bitterness is unforgiveness?
I would not say that the root cause is unforgiveness. The root cause is deeply unfair treatment by others, acts of injustice. I would say that as people fail to find a solution to their initial shock and anger, then unforgiveness eventually does play a part in a person continuing to live with deep anger, pessimism, and bitterness. Forgiveness offers a way out of these consequences of being treated deeply unfairly.
For additional information, see 8 Reasons to Forgive.
“FORGIVENESS IS A HEALING PROCESS. . .”
This quote is from The Gate of Light, a 2018-book by Lars Muhl, a Danish writer, mystic and musician. After years as a successful singer-songwriter in Denmark, Muhl began his self-studies of comparative religion, esoteric knowledge and philosophy and since 1988 he has focused on Aramaic, Christian and Jewish mysticism. He has written numerous books on these subjects and hosts workshops and lectures in Denmark and around the world.
Both the quote and the book were referred to the International Forgiveness Institute (IFI) by Ivy Huang, a writer and mystic in Vancouver, BC, Canada. Ivy is a long-time financial supporter of the IFI who donates through a PayPal monthly recurring payment. Ivy says she discovered the IFI while researching the etymology (origin) of the word ‘immunity’ which roughly translates to ‘forgiveness of disease’ in Sanskrit.
“Forgiveness–the release of unresolved memories and emotions–can lead to not only greater psychological well-being, but also physical benefits,” Ivy says. “On a grander scale, I believe that forgiveness can grant us collective peace.”
Like Ivy, you too can help make a difference in the world by supporting the IFI’s Forgiveness Education Programs for grade school students now operating in the U.S. and more than 30 countries around the world. Click the DONATE button to take a stand and SEND YOUR GIFT OF LOVE.
