Tagged: “forgiveness”

I am somewhat convinced that if a particular person leaves my life, then he will not be hurting my family or me any more.  Am I correct in thinking this way, or should I forgive anyway?

Forgiveness need not be reserved only for the times in which you feel deep resentment which might be making you miserable.  At times, you might want to forgive simply because forgiveness is centered in goodness because it is a moral virtue.  In this latter case, you are forgiving because forgiveness is an end in and of itself.  Regarding this issue of deep resentment, it can stay with us even when people physically move away from us.  They still remain in the heart and the heart can be restless until the offended person forgives.  So, even if the one who hurt you leaves, you can forgive because: a) forgiveness is good in and of itself and b) you might still be resentful and want to be free of that.

For additional information, see Do I Have to Reconcile with the Other When I Forgive?

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CORONAVIRUS ANXIETY LEVELS ARE SOARING

As more cities, states, and entire countries go into full lockdown to slow the spread of the coronavirus, psychologists and pandemic experts are warning that we may soon have yet another health crisis on our hands: deteriorating mental health.

“People really need to prepare for self-isolation,” says Dr. Steven Taylor, author of The Psychology of Pandemics and a clinical psychologist at the University of British Columbia. “It’s not enough to stock up on toilet paper. They need to think about what they are going to do to combat boredom.”

Fortunately, the International Forgiveness Institute (IFI) has a solution that will not only provide a diversion from shelter-in-place rules but help you, your children, and all your family members increase your emotional, physical, and mental health despite these stressful times.

LOCKDOWN LESSONS: LEARN TO FORGIVE AT HALF PRICE!

For a limited time only, the IFI is offering its individual and family Curriculum Guides at the never-before-offered price of HALF OFF – a 50% DISCOUNT from the regular price. We’ve reduced the price of all our Curriculum Guides to $15.00 from the regular price of $30.00. That’s the equivalent of purchasing one Guide and getting a second Guide for FREE. 

Mix or match, you can select from our 14 grade-level Curriculum Guides                                (pre-kindergarten through 12th grade), our two Family-Learning Programs, and our        End-of-Life Manual. These are the same tested and proven study guides now being used by parents, teachers, and homeschooling families in the US and more than 30 countries around the world.

Incorporating the latest social-emotional learning principles, these guides teach both children and adults about the five moral qualities most important to forgiving another person–inherent worth, moral love, kindness, respect and generosity. Each guide encompasses 8 or more lessons (one-half to one hour per week for each lesson) and includes Dr. Seuss and other children’s book summaries that help reinforce moral principles.

THE PERFECT SHELTER-AT-HOME FAMILY PROJECT

Through repetitious, peer-reviewed testing, IFI researcher Dr. Robert Enright has scientifically demonstrated that learning how to forgive through Forgiveness Education Curriculum Guides can:

• IMPROVE EMOTIONAL HEALTH – by reducing anger, anxiety, depression, and/or PTSD symptoms.
• ENHANCE PHYSICAL WELL-BEING – by lowering blood pressure, reducing stress hormones, and enhancing one’s immune system.
• IMPROVE PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS – with family, friends, and community.
• BOOST SELF-ESTEEM AND SELF-IMAGE – while increasing hopefulness about the future.

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You emphasize the idea of finding meaning in the suffering.  What do you mean by the term meaning?

Dr. Viktor Frankl was the first mental health professional who emphasized the term “meaning” in the context of great suffering.  He was imprisoned in Auschwitz during World War II.  He observed that when prisoners found no meaning in their suffering within the concentration camp, they died.  Those who found meaning in their suffering lived.  Dr. Frankl found meaning by looking up to the mountains when on a forced march outside the camp. He reveled in the beauty and found meaning in the fact that this is a world filled with beauty despite grave suffering.  He found meaning in being determined to be reunited with his wife.  When people are treated unjustly and then forgive, they often find this meaning: They now are more aware of the suffering in other people and they are motivated to help alleviate that suffering.  This can give determination, energy, and hope to a person and help to re-establish psychological health.

For additional information, see Finding Meaning in Suffering.

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 Can you help me with this idea of “bearing the pain”?  It seems to me that if I “bear” this pain, it is like putting an 80 pound sack of potatoes on my back.  It will not heal me but crush me.

I would urge you to think about this bearing the pain as a paradox.  A paradox looks to be a contradiction, but is not.  In this case, the more you bear the pain and do so willingly, then you begin to stand in the pain.  As you stand in the pain, then that pain begins to lift, a little at a time.  Then, over time, the pain leaves.  At that point you begin to realize just how strong you really are.  You have taken the pain and have overcome it.  Of course, in the case of the forgiveness process, bearing the pain does not occur in isolation but instead in the context of other units in that process.

For additional information, see Bearing the Pain.

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With regard to the popular saying, “forgive and forget,” is it unwise for me to want to forget?

Some people are afraid that, if they forget, then the other person’s injustice will emerge again.  Others, as in your case, want to forget.  When we “forget” in your case, we tend to let the memory fade so that it is not constantly coming up for us and challenging our happiness.  I find that as people forgive, they do forget in the sense of no longer having to continually relive the event in their mind.  What tends to happen is this: People now remember in new ways and look back less frequently.  By “remembering in new ways” I mean that when you look back, you do so with far less pain than in the past.  People look back less frequently because, when filled with resentment, there is a tendency to ruminate on what happened in the hope of solving the unpleasant issue. Upon forgiving, you may not have solved the problem, but you have solved the nagging effects of that problem such as anger, fatigue, and sadness.  So, it is wise to engage in “forgive and forget” as described here.

For additional information, see Forgive and Forget: What Does it Mean?

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