Has the struggle with the injustice made you tired? Let us say that you have 10 points of energy to get through each day. How many of those points of energy do you use fighting (even subconsciously) the injustice as an internal struggle? Even if you are giving 1 or 2 points of your energy each day to this, it is too much and could be considered another wound for you.
When you consider the person and the situation now under consideration, do you see any changes in your life that were either a direct or indirect consequence of the person’s injustice? In what way did your life change that led to greater struggle for you? On our 0-to-10 scale, how great a change was there in your life as a result of the injustice? Let a 0 stand for no change whatsoever, a 5 stand for moderate change in your life, and a 10 stand for dramatic change in your life. Your answer will help you determine whether this is another wound for you. As you can see, the wounds from the original injustice have a way of accumulating and adding to your suffering.
The Gazette, Colorado Springs, CO – An American survivor of two terrorist attacks has a message for the assailants: “I forgive you.”
Mason Wells, a 20-year-old missionary from Sandy, Utah, was a short distance from one of the two bombs that exploded near the finish line of the Boston Marathon in 2013, killing three spectators and wounding 260 others. Neither he nor his mother, who was running in the race, was injured.
Three years later, Wells was only 10 feet from the first bomb to explode at the Zaventem International Airport in Brussels, Belgium during a terrorist attack that killed 32 people and injured about 260 others. Wells suffered extensive burns to his face and hands, shrapnel wounds to his head, and blast wounds to his lower legs.
“What you did was evil. You killed innocent people and meaningful lives.
I still carry scars from that day, but I have chosen to forgive you. I have learned that the decision to forgive is ours and ours alone.
By forgiving you and getting past the events of that day, I’ve become a stronger person. It’s about letting go of yesterday and not letting the hardest moments of our lives define us. I want you to know that good has come in the wake of your evil acts.”
Wells recently wrote a book, Left Standing, about his ordeal. In it, he outlines how he learned to forgive the Brussels attackers for their atrocities. He’s now enrolled at the U.S. Naval Academy, where he’s studying engineering.
Mirror, London, United Kingdom – Actor Kelsey Grammer’s younger sister Karen was only 18-years-old when she was raped and murdered by a serial killer in 1976. Although Grammer has carried that tragic loss in his heart for more than 40 years, he says that forgiveness is the only thing that has kept the horrific crime from destroying his life.
The much-loved star, who is best known for playing Dr Frasier Crane in television sitcoms Frasier and its predecessor Cheers, was the one who had to identify Karen’s body after her death. He said that, while he will always remember the “joy” of knowing her, he would not “let it disrupt me or destroy me.”
“As long as I’m alive I will miss her, and that’s just the way it is. So you carry that,” Grammer said. “I think you always carry it, because what you miss about them, is them in your life.”
Grammer added that forgiveness was a process that didn’t happen quickly for him and that it works together with justice.
“I’ve learned to forgive. I’ve even told the guy that is still alive that killed her that I do forgive him, although I don’t advocate for his freedom, I don’t think that’s reasonable.”
The actor, now 62, is currently starring in Big Fish The Musical at The Other Palace Theatre in London’s West End. He played Dr Frasier Crane for 20 years across the two TV comedy shows for which he won four Emmy Awards and two Golden Globes as a lead actor.#
Juliana LaBianca is a prolific Reader’s Digest writer who conducted an extensive interview with Dr. Robert Enright, founder of the International Forgiveness Institute, for an article in the current online issue: “12 Proven Steps to Truly Forgive Anyone for Anything.”
“Robert Enright, PhD, is a pioneer in the scientific study of forgiveness,” LaBianca outlines in the prelude to her article. “Here, he breaks down his four-phase model that has helped countless patients overcome anxiety, depression, and resentment, by allowing them to truly forgive.”
While forgiving will indeed require some effort, you don’t need a mental health professional to lead you down the path of forgiveness, according to the article. It’s something you can achieve on your own, as long as you know which steps to take.
Here are the 12 forgiveness process steps LaBianca explains in her article:
- Know that forgiveness is available to everyone
- Decide you want to choose forgiveness
- Make a list
- Uncover your anger
- Commit to forgiveness
- Consider the other person’s wounds
- Consider other person’s humanity
- Feel a softening
- Bear the pain
- Give the person a gift
- Begin the discovery phase
- Repeat, repeat, repeat
“When we’ve been treated deeply unfairly by others, we should have the tools to deal with that so the effects of that injustice don’t take hold in an unhealthy way,” says Dr. Enright. Following the forgiveness process steps will provide you with those tools.
- Read the entire Reader’s Digest article.
- Learn more about Dr. Enright’s 4-phase Process Model.
- Order Dr. Enright’s Forgiveness Is a Choice self-help book.
Following on the heels of a remarkably successful forgiveness conference in Jerusalem, the International Forgiveness Institute (IFI) is now preparing for its next international conference–this one on January 18, 2018 in Rome, Italy.
The Rome Conference on Forgiveness is a one-day forum that starts at 2:30 pm and concludes at 7:00 pm at the University of Santa Croce (Pontificia Università della Santa Croce), adjacent to the famous Piazza Navona.
“This first-of-its-kind conference in Rome will explore what it means to forgive another person who has been unjust to you,” according to Dr. Robert Enright, founder of the IFI, who is organizing this conference just as he did the one in Jerusalem. “Important ideas on how to help children and adolescents learn to forgive will be presented by international experts in the field of forgiveness education.”
Dr. Enright added that the theme of forgiving within the Abrahamic traditions will be another important topic with a focus on helping youth within those traditions learn to forgive. Dr. Enright has developed Forgiveness Education Curriculum Guides for students in pre-school through 12th Grade. Those Guides are now being used in more than 30 countries around the world.
Distinguished speakers at The Rome Conference on Forgiveness and their topics include:
Dr. Robert Enright, the acknowledged pioneer in the social scientific study of forgiveness, founder of the International Forgiveness Institute, and Professor of Educational Psychology at the University of Wisconsin, USA, will discuss the science of forgiveness education.
Annette Shannon of Holy Cross Girls Primary School in Belfast, Northern Ireland will focus on the direct application of forgiveness education in her school.
Dr. Barbara Marchica, Catholic theologian, pastoral counselor, and teacher in Milan, Italy will examine forgiveness and forgiveness education in a Christian context.
Peta Pellach of the Elijah Interfaith Institute in Jerusalem will give a talk on forgiveness and forgiveness education in an Orthodox Jewish context.
Omar Al-Barazanch, the new Iraqi ambassador to the Vatican, will discuss the theme of forgiving from the Islamic perspective.
Alison Sutherland of the Rotary Action Group for Peace will explore worldwide issues of forgiveness particularly for youth in war-torn areas.
Grammenos Mastrojenni of the Italian Foreign Affairs Ministry and the Honorable Paola Binetti of the Italian Parliament will give talks on how forgiveness can be part of dialogue and political discourse.
Mons Mariano Fazio, Vicar General of Opus Dei, will discuss the teachings on charity and forgiveness of St. Josemaria Escriva, founder of Opus Dei.
For more information, please contact Jacqueline Song