Tagged: “Misconceptions”
I don’t get it. How can forgiveness reduce anger in the one who forgives?
Often, when people are treated deeply unjustly by others, they can experience anger and even an ongoing resentment that can last for years. As people forgive, they begin to see the offending person from a broader perspective than just those hurtful actions. As the forgivers see the worth in the one who offended, see the other as truly human, the anger toward this person begins to lessen.
Is forgiving others basically for the self or for the one who offended?
The essence of forgiveness is this: It is a moral virtue and all moral virtues concern the good of others. Therefore, when you forgive, you are doing this for the one who hurt you. A consequence of forgiving is that the self usually experiences well-being. So, forgiveness is an act of goodness toward others with a consequence of a benefit toward the self.
In your Discovery Phase of the forgiveness process, you discuss meaning and purpose in a person’s life upon forgiving others. What is the difference between finding meaning and finding purpose?
Meaning is the cognitive activity of answering the “why question” in a positive way regarding what was suffered. A likely insight gained is that I am stronger and more aware of others’ suffering, now that I have walked the forgiveness path. Thus, to find meaning is primarily a cognitive activity. Purpose concerns the actions that now flow from the meaning. If a person begins to see that forgiving has been a positive journey in making one stronger, more merciful, then one purpose that might flow from this insight is this: I now will commit to aiding others in their suffering, in helping them to forgive.
In my observing people who have been hurt by others, there seems to be a certain closed-mindedness that makes forgiveness difficult. Here is what I mean: People kind of close down to listening and discussing civilly with others once they have been hurt. Wouldn’t this closed-mindedness to open communication hinder forgiving?
I think you are conflating forgiving and reconciling. You can forgive a person starting within your own heart by committing to do no harm to the other, with a commitment to offering respect and eventually even love (in the sense of agape) toward that other person. This occurs even without communicating with the other person. Reconciliation, in contrast, does require listening and having open communication. So, when this listening and discussing civilly are closed down, this likely will hinder the reconciliation process, but not the process of forgiving.
I think that people should be held accountable. Without contrition, not even God is willing to forgive.
We would like to ask you this: Must you decide between being forgiven and taking responsibility? Do you think they are exclusive of one another? We ought to keep in mind Aristotle’s advice. None of the virtues should be practiced in isolation. Justice takes the form of accountability. Forgiveness and justice coexist in harmony. It is important to keep in mind that God forgives sins. Sins are not forgiven by people. if you base your understanding of forgiveness on the Bible, please keep in mind that the biblical account of Joseph forgiving his brothers in Genesis is an example of unconditional forgiveness. Joseph did not forgive the brothers until they had shown him repentance. It is comparable in the New Testament, in the story of the Prodigal Son, whose father forgave him unconditionally, prior to the son’s repentance.
