Tagged: “resentment”

If I go through the forgiveness process one time only, do you think my anger could diminish so much that I will not have to repeat the forgiveness process?

There are no definitive psychological rules about this.  If you take the time to deeply go through the forgiveness process once, then you may experience a return to a manageable level of anger without having to go through the forgiveness process again.  Please keep in mind that anger in smaller doses can remain in a person’s heart after that person forgives.  So, please do not expect perfection with regard to the emotion of anger.  As long as you are in control of the anger, rather than the anger controlling you, this is a very positive accomplishment.

You talk about having to wait to experience emotional relief when forgiving.  What do you mean by waiting and how long does one wait?

When I use the word “wait” I mean that you are not in complete control of your emotions.  For example, if you are very angry at someone, you cannot just turn on a switch in your brain and then all of a sudden there is no more anger.  Because of this, we have to be patient as our emotions gradually change from anger or sadness or disappointment to more neutral and then possibly to more positive emotions.  There is no precise timeline for this.  You will know that the transformation is working by introspecting and seeing small changes in your anger or sadness.  As you see these small changes emerging, you can keep doing the work of forgiving and then you likely will experience larger and more positive changes in your emotions toward the one who harmed you.

I heard that you recently published a study with your colleagues in which you helped men in prison learn to forgive.  What did you find and why did you focus on prisoners who, it seems to me, need to ask us for forgiveness because of what they did?

Rehabilitation in correctional institutions tends to focus on changing the behavior which led to the sentencing in the first place.  Yet, our research found that about 90% of 103 men whom we surveyed had considerable injustices against them when they were children or adolescents.  One gentleman was thrown out of his home by his mother when he was 10 years old.  He slept under cars at night as his bed.  So often, this kind of cruelty against children can lead to a welling up of hatred and this can lead to crime, arrest, and imprisonment.  Forgiveness Therapy allowed the men to forgive those who abused them which led to a statistically significant decrease in clinical levels of anger, anxiety, and depression to normal or near normal levels.  They also developed more empathy toward people in general.  Those in the control group, without Forgiveness Therapy, did not show this kind of improvement in their mental health, but when they then were given Forgiveness Therapy, they, too, showed similar improvement compared with the original experimental group.  Here is the reference to that research:

Yu, L., Gambaro, M., Song, J., Teslik, M., Song, M., Komoski, M.C., Wollner, B., & Enright, R.D. (2021). Forgiveness therapy in a maximum-security correctional institution: A randomized clinical trial. Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy.

How can one reconcile with a NPD spouse, who has been emotionally and physically abusive and forced to leave?

Can Group Forgiveness in Liberia Lead to Peace?

The head of the Liberia Forgiveness Education Program (LFEP) has been appointed by that country’s president to serve on a Special Presidential Committee that will mediate post-civil war land disputes that have recently become violent. The appointment provides a unique opportunity to test the potential effectiveness of Group Forgiveness interventions developed by Dr. Robert Enright, co-founder of the International Forgiveness Institute (IFI).

Bishop Kortu Brown was appointed last month to the Nimba County Conflict Resolution Committee by Liberian President Dr. George Manneh Weah. Bishop Brown, Chairman/CEO of Church Aid Inc. (CAI) has been National Coordinator of the LFEP since it was established by Dr. Enright nearly 10 years ago.

“The president of Liberia has asked me to participate in a national effort aimed at resolving land conflicts in one of Liberia’s troubled sub-political divisions,” Bishop Brown said of his recent appointment. “Nimba County has more than 500 land conflicts recorded so we hope that our work can help bring healing and reconciliation to this troubled area.”

The Nimba County conflicts are the aftermath of a horrendous 15-year civil war that resulted in the deaths of an estimated 250,000 Liberians between 1989 and 2004, the displacement of more than a million others from their homes, the overthrow of the government of the late President Samuel K. Doe who was assassinated in 1990, and the deployment of United Nations peacekeepers throughout the country. According to a Global News Network Liberia report, the US government has provided more than $2.4 billion in supporting Liberia’s post-war stabilization and development.

Unfortunately, the misery in Liberia did not stop with the end of the civil war. Between 2014 and 2016, more than 4,800 people died from Ebola in Liberia—the West African country hardest hit by the outbreak—and now the country of 4.8 million people is dealing with the deadly uncertainty of the coronavirus epidemic. According to the World Health Organization, Africa accounts for less than 1% of the coronavirus vaccine doses administered globally.

“There is a serious need to bring closure to the civil war and that means reconciliation through forgiveness,” Bishop Brown says, repeating what he has been espousing since becoming the head of the LFEP. “If Liberians will forge peace and reconciliation, they must forgive. Without forgiveness there will be no genuine reconciliation.”

Dr. Enright has been working closely with Bishop Brown and other civic leaders in the West African country since Rev. Joseph Cheapoo, a native of Liberia, walked into Dr. Enright’s University of Wisconsin-Madison office in 2003 and bluntly asked, “Professor Enright, can you help me save my country?”

Rev. Cheapoo, who had fled his home country for the US to save his family during the civil war, agreed to head up the LFEP when he returned to Liberia in 2004. Sadly, Rev. Cheapoo unexpectedly passed away 8 years ago. Bishop Brown anxiously assumed leadership of the LFEP soon after.

“In light of his appointment by President Weah, I have suggested that Bishop Brown engage all Committee members in the Enright Group Forgiveness process before addressing the social conflict issues,” Dr. Enright says. “I suggested that approach, in all humility, because dialogue will not be fruitful if those engaging in the dialogue are still very angry about past grievances. Forgiveness is a scientifically-supported way of eliminating that anger.” 

In response, Bishop Brown shared with Dr. Enright a draft strategy he has since developed for the Committee’s first working session that he calls “Reconciliation Through Forgiveness: A Program Concept for Community Bridge-Building.” Components of that strategy include:

• Conducting a 3-day Awareness Workshop on healing and reconciliation for 150 community, religious and traditional leaders from the 9 sub-political districts in Nimba County on the need to bring closure to the civil war chapter.
• Conducting a 3-day Forgiveness Education training workshop for teachers in Nimba County primary and secondary schools.
• Replicating the Forgiveness Education Programs that Church Aid Inc. already has in place in Monrovia (the country’s capitol), Brewerville, and Monsterrado County by initiating identical programs in 25 schools in Nimba County using Kindergarten through Grade 12 curriculum guides developed by the IFI in collaboration with CAI.
• Conducting a 3-day training and commissioning workshop for 45 Community Reconciliation Animators (CRA) who will continue the work of healing and reconciliation in their respective communities after the Special Presidential Committee’s tenure expires.

“I think that interventions like the Enright Group Forgiveness process are critical to bringing peace and harmony to the communities we seek to serve in Liberia,” says Bishop Brown. In addition to being the General Overseer of the New Water in the Desert Apostolic Pentecostal Church in Brewerville and Chairman/CEO of Church Aid Inc., Bishop Brown is also president of both the Liberia Council of Churches (LLC) and the Inter-Religious Council of Liberia (IRCL).

“If this forgiveness initiative works as it did in our scientific studies, then resentments and hatred will be reduced, forgiveness will increase, and fruitful dialogue will commence,” Dr. Enright adds. “If forgiveness solves the entrenched group-to-group conflict in Liberia, that country will astonish the world with this new way of attaining peace.”

The Special Presidential Committee will conduct its first session in the next few days and is expected to report its formal recommendations to President Weah within 60 days. The Committee will be chaired by Liberia’s Minister of Internal Affairs while the Chairman of the Liberia Land Authority will serve as co-chairperson.

Learn More

A New Strategy for Peace in the World. . .The Enright Group Forgiveness Inventory

Examining Group Forgiveness: Conceptual and Empirical Issues 

Measuring Intergroup Forgiveness: The Enright Group Forgiveness Inventory

First Ebola, Now Coronavirus: Liberia Suffers Again

Help spread forgiveness education, reconciliation and peace throughout Liberia, West Africa. Click the “Donate” button at the bottom of this page to become a hero to the children of Liberia.