Tagged: “unhealthy anger”

I think anger is normal.  You do not seem to think so.  Would you please clarify?

We have to make a distinction between healthy anger and unhealthy anger.  Healthy anger occurs as a short-term reaction to others’ unfairness.  The anger emerges because the one being treated unfairly knows that all people are worthy of respect, even oneself.  Unhealthy anger occurs when the initial reaction of healthy anger does not end, but intensifies and remains in the person’s heart for months or even many years.  At that point, the anger can have quite negative effects on one’s energy, ability to concentrate, and on one’s overall well-being.  Healthy anger is normal.  Unhealthy anger needs attention and amelioration.

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Can healthy anger eventually develop into unhealthy anger?

Yes, this is possible. When treated unfairly by others, it is natural to have some anger because this is showing the other and you that you are a person of worth who should not be treated this way. If you continue to think about what happened, and if the anger starts to grow more deeply and pervasively, then you need an outlet for this development. Forgiving can be such a response. If, however, you do not have any outlet at all and continue with the rumination on what happened, then that anger can become so deep that over a period of time (perhaps many months) it develops into the unhealthy kind, leading to possible anxiety, depression, sleep disturbances, and even hatred toward the other. Forgiveness is an important antidote to all of this.

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I cry a lot. It seems to me that this is who I am and I just have to get used to it.

Sometimes when we are caught up in grief and anger, it seems as if this is all there will ever be now in our life: permanent tears, permanent anger. Yet, please take a look at two different times in your life in which you were steeped in heartache or rage. The tears came. . . and they left. Today it may seem as if these will never end—but they will. Take a lesson from your own past. The pains were temporary. They are temporary even now. Consider working on self-esteem, reduced anger, forgiveness, and your inherent worth as a person. All of these may help the psychological effects of betrayal to be temporary.

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I forgave my partner for an offense. I forgave. He did it again. Do I go through the forgiveness process again or go in another route?

I find that people find it harder to forgive a person when the offense keeps occurring.  Yet, continuing once again on the forgiveness path may make you more open to a genuine dialogue with your partner about changing his behavior and reconciling. It is hard to enter into respectful and patient dialogue when the offended person is fuming with anger.

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What’s so bad about a little anger to keep the obnoxious people away?

It is normal to feel some anger in the short-term when others act unjustly.  It is the long-term anger that can last for decades that can be the problem.  That long-term anger can deplete one’s energy and cut into one’s happiness.  It is under this circumstance that the unhealthy, long-term anger needs to be addressed and reduced.

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