Tagged: “Why Forgive?”
If I forgive to feel better, am I being selfish?
There is a difference between what forgiveness is (it is being good to those who are not good to you) and your motivation to forgive. There is nothing wrong with being good to another person so that you can emotionally heal. Here is a link to one of my essays at the Psychology Today website that gives you more information on this: 9 Purposes for Your Life When You Forgive.
“I cannot forgive Hitler. To do so would be folly given his evil acts. So, in some cases is forgiving an act of folly?”
Forgiveness is a moral virtue. All moral virtues (such as justice, patience, kindness, and love-in-service-to-others) are good. Therefore, forgiveness is good. Goodness is not folly. Because forgiveness is part of goodness, it follows that forgiveness cannot be folly.
That said, you may not be ready right now to forgive certain people for certain unjust actions. This does not make you a bad person. Forgiveness does not have the same quality as justice. Certain forms of justice are so important that they are encoded into laws of the state: Do not murder, for example. Forgiveness is not codified into law because it is the person’s choice whether or not to forgive a given person for a given unjust action. So, if you do not want to forgive Hitler for the pain he has caused to you (and he can cause pain to those who were born long after World War II), then you need not do so, and remain a good person.
“My father abandoned our family when I was 6 years old. I am now grown, in college, and he has come around now that the pressure is off. He wants to establish a relationship with me, but I do not even know him. Does it seem kind of phony to now go ahead with this?”
It is never too late to forgive. You see your father’s mistakes. I think that he sees them, too. You surely have a right to your anger. At the same time, you could give your father a huge gift of mercy and aid your own emotional healing if you have mercy on him and consider forgiveness. It will take a strong will and courage for you to do this. You will know if and when you are ready.
My anger ends when I walk away from a person who is being unkind to me. So, Walk-Away Therapy is better than Forgiveness Therapy. Would you agree?
If the injustice is slight and short-lived, then walking away temporarily or even with an intent to reconnect with the person might be helpful. Yet, if the injustice is severe, then walking away tends to lead to the following: You walk away and have a temporary sense of relief. Yet, over time, the burden of carrying the effects of that injustice (frustration, resentment, and at times even hatred) is not left at the time and site of the injustice. Instead this excess emotional baggage can remain with you literally for decades. It is Forgiveness Therapy that can alleviate those burdens. Walking away under this circumstance means that you are walking with a sack of woes on your back.
For additional information, see Why Forgive?
New Manual for Mental Health Professionals Recommends Use of Enright Forgiveness Therapy
A hot-off-the-press instructional manual recommends that mental health professionals adopt and employ the Enright Process Model of Forgiveness when counseling individuals who profess Pentecostal and Charismatic Christian beliefs. Those two movements together make up about 27% of all Christians and more than 584 million people worldwide, according to the Pew Research Center.
The new book, Counseling and Psychotherapy with Pentecostal and Charismatic Christians, was written by Geoffrey Sutton, a licensed psychologist and prolific author who has experience providing services to Christians from many traditions. Born in London, England, Sutton is a Professor of Psychology (Emeritus) at Evangel University in Springfield, MO, who has 14 books available on amazon.com.
“Clinicians would be advised to learn a specific approach such as the Enright Model. . .” Sutton recommends in his book. “Both of the major forgiveness intervention programs (Enright and REACH) are supported by scientific evidence of effectiveness.”
Sutton’s endorsement of the Enright Model of Forgiveness is actually a complete turnaround from his earlier positions on Christian counseling. For example, Sutton wrote a paper for the Christian Association for Psychological Studies that said a “well -articulated, comprehensive, and integrated approach to Christian counseling does not exist today.” That was at the organization’s 2015 annual meeting.
In his latest book, Sutton begins by providing an overview of religion, spirituality, and Christianity before focusing on the Pentecostal-Charismatic Christian movement that he traces back to the early 1900s. He then provides six chapters on patient assessment, counseling techniques, and interventions with special emphasis on the forgiveness interventions he now embraces because he believes they are adequately supported by empirical evidence.
“For committed Christians, spiritual identity is a substantial component of the self,” Sutton writes. “The purpose of this book is to help mental health professionals increase their cultural competence to better serve Pentecostal and Charismatic Christians who are congregants in the world’s fastest-growing religious movement.”
Learn more:
- Christian Movements and Denominations Defined
- Read selected portions of Sutton’s new book
- Pentecostal Cultures: Classic, Evangelical, Progressive, Renewal – Geoffrey Sutton Slide Presentation
