Tagged: “Why Forgive?”
I think that getting rid of one’s anger is not a good thing if the goal is to achieve justice. Don’t we need some anger as a motivator to get up and do something about continual put-downs by others?
Anger in the short run is seen as reasonable because the person is basically saying, “What you did was wrong. I am a person worthy of respect and that is what I am asking of you.” At the same time, if this anger stays with a person, deepens, and lasts for many months, it can be counter-productive. One then might demand too much from the other. One might turn the quest for justice into a motivation to seek revenge and hurt the other. So, we have to be careful when discussing the benefits of anger. There are such benefits in the short-run, but anger has a way of taking up residence in the human heart if we are not careful and thus the one harboring the anger can be damaged.
Learn more at Why Forgive?
If I practice forgiveness a lot, will I become faster at reaching an endpoint of forgiving, or will this depend on the severity of the injustice against me?
In my own experience with others, I see that as people practice forgiveness, they actually do become what I call “expert forgivers” in that they forgive more quickly and more deeply than was the case in the past. At the same time, if the current injustice is severe, this will take longer to forgive the one who perpetrated this severe injustice. Even if it takes you longer now to forgive people for recent severe injustices against you, the length of your forgiving still likely will be shorter than it might have been years ago, when you were just starting to learn about forgiveness.
For additional information, see The Forgiving Life.
Is there a difference between calming my mind and forgiving?
Yes, there is a difference between the two. Calming the mind is not a moral virtue. Forgiving is a moral virtue, which means that the focus of forgiving actually is on the one who offended, not on the self. As you forgive, you begin to think about this other person in new ways, to feel softer feelings toward this person, and to behave in a way that is civil and not hurtful. When you calm your mind you could be ignoring the other, putting the other out of your mind. Of course, this does not always happen when you calm your mind, but it can happen. Thus, calming the mind does not necessarily lend itself to a focus on the other, and in a positive way, as forgiveness does.
For additional information, see What is Forgiveness?
To my way of thinking, forgiveness is this: You have a trauma. You then admit that you were traumatized. You then enter directly into conflict with the trauma, and reconstruct the trauma in your own mind. What do you think about this?
While your description may be part of what forgiveness is, I do think there is more to it than only this. When you forgive, your focus is not directly on the trauma. The focus is on the person who created the trauma. You can “reconstruct” a trauma in many ways that are not forgiveness. For example, you could say, “Well, in thinking about the trauma, it really was not so bad after all.” You have “reconstructed” the trauma, but this is not forgiveness because, when you forgive, you know that what happened to you was wrong, is wrong, and always will be wrong. You do not “reconstruct” what happened as “not so bad.” Thus, while you may remember the trauma—the event—in new ways when you forgive, you actually “reconstruct” who the other person is by struggling to see his or her humanity, his or her inherent (built-in) worth. As you reconstruct the person and see a truly full human being who is more than unjust behaviors, then you are in the process of forgiving.
For additional information, see: What is Forgiveness?
I am a victim of what currently is called “micro-aggressions.” This is what I mean: I am a descendant of people from India, but I was born and raised in the United States. Sometimes people ask me, “Where are you from?” I find that kind of presumptuous. Can I forgive people for such micro-aggressions?
Yes, if you have been offended by another’s actions, you should feel free to go ahead and forgive. In other words, you need not get others’ permission to forgive. This is your decision. Even if your peers say that you should just let it go, you can make your own choice here. If you are feeling resentment and consider the questions unjust, then forgiving those who ask the questions is reasonable.
For additional information, see: Forgiveness: An Offshoot of Love.
