Tagged: “Why Forgive?”
How do I even think about forgiving someone who spreads false rumors about me and continues to do so? Others are being told lies about me and it hurts. I am angry.
Your anger definitely is understandable. You have been betrayed. The fact that you are even thinking about forgiving is a good step. I would recommend two initial approaches. First, commit to doing no harm to the one who is trying to harm you. Second, with this commitment in place, then try to have a conversation with the one who is spreading the rumors. Try to get fairness from this person. In other words, forgive and seek justice at the same time.
Learn more at Why Forgive?
The Amazing Benefits of Forgiveness Therapy on Cancer Patients
Time magazine has called Dr. Robert Enright “the forgiveness trailblazer” because of his groundbreaking scientific discoveries related to how forgiveness favorably impacts both emotional and physical health. Now the doctor (a Ph.D., not a physcian) is working with medical specialists in Europe to discover if forgiveness can improve the health of patients with multiple myeloma–a cancer of
cells in the immune system.
Dr. Enright will provide an update on his latest forgiveness challenge at the 17th Annual Fall Cancer Conference sponsored by the University of Wisconsin Carbone Cancer Center on Friday, Oct. 19, 2018, at the Monona Terrace in Madison, Wisconsin.
Advances in Multidisciplinary Cancer Care 2018 is the title of the day-long conference that will focus on “Unique Challenges Faced by Young Adults With Cancer.” Dr. Enright’s presentation begins at 2:00 pm and is entitled “Forgiveness as a Strengthening of Emotional Health in Cancer Patients and Their Families.”
While the conference is designed primarily for individuals who are involved in cancer treatment and education of cancer patients and their families, conference organizers are also encouraging patients, caregivers and community members to attend. For registration information, visit the 17th Annual Fall Cancer Conference website.
Forgiveness therapy for cancer patients is not a new endeavor for Dr. Enright. He and his colleagues completed a clinical trial nearly 10 years ago with cancer patients who were receiving end-of-life hospice care. That study found that as the patients’ physical health decreased, measures of emotional health increased if they completed forgiveness therapy.
Next, they completed a clinical trial with patients in cardiac units, where they observed a physical benefit to forgiveness: cardiac health measures, such as blood flow to the heart, increased in the patients on the intervention. Forgiveness therapy, then, has shown both palliative and physical benefits in medical settings.
“So now we’re working with physicians in Europe in regards to multiple myeloma,” Enright says. He explained that multiple myeloma is a cancer of cells in the immune system, that stress is known to compromise the immune system, and that forgiveness therapy has been demonstrated to reduce stress.
Interestingly, case studies in patients with low-grade multiple myeloma have already found disease stabilization if patients complete forgiveness therapy. Could forgiveness – a relatively inexpensive, non-drug-based intervention – become a part of some patients’ treatment plans? Enright and medical colleagues think the answer may be yes, and they are currently developing a clinical trial to understand if forgiveness improves myeloma patient health through measurable biological markers.
“That’s why next we need to do a clinical trial, for cause and effect,” Enright says. “The physicians will measure markers of immune system strength, and then I would bring the hope and anxiety scales to measure the psychological markers.”
Learn more and register for the 17th Annual Fall Cancer Conference.
I am an adult who has hurt my mother a number of times when I was a teenager. I now very much would like to have her forgive me, but I am not sure that she has thought much about forgiveness. She seems to have accepted who I was as a teen—a very immature young person. Yet, I would like to see her truly forgive me. How can I approach her with the idea of forgiveness?
One approach is to take one of the self-help books, such as my The Forgiving Life book published by the American Psychological Association. I recommend that you read it first. If you think it is appropriate for your mother, then share it with her and point out some of the sections in the book that proved helpful to you. Your mother might get interested and, if so, this would give her a chance to work through the forgiveness process.
Learn more at The Forgiving Life.
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My partner has hurt me very deeply. Now he refuses to get help for his drinking and basically is destroying himself. How do you forgive someone under these circumstances?
Actually, the forgiveness process will not differ to a great extent when the person is destroying the self. You might actually forgive for the original offense and then forgive for the situation in which the person now is not working with you to rise above the very challenging situation. In other words, you can forgive twice and the second one may be harder than the first because the person is not working as a team with you.
Learn more at Forgiveness for Couples.
I have forgiven someone who betrayed me and hurt me deeply. My attitude toward the person now is good. Yet, I have fear of this person. What else can I do to move more deeply in forgiveness?
It seems to me that the issue now is not so much forgiveness as it is reconciliation. Your fear likely is the result of a lack of trust toward the person because of the betrayal. Reconciliation has to be earned. Have you talked with the person and has this person understood the offense and now is willing to change? You need to build some confidence in this person’s behavior and this will come if the person begins to behave in a way as to earn your trust.
Learn more at What Forgiveness Is Not.
