I am actually afraid to find my meaning in suffering because I do not want to look suffering in the eye. What do you suggest in a case like this?
Many people are afraid to examine their own degree of suffering or even their degree of anger because they see no solution once they “look suffering in the eye” (or anger in the eye). Please remember that forgiveness is a strong solution to suffering and anger and so it is all right for you to stand in the truth and see your suffering and see your level of anger. Forgiveness is your safety net. As you see that suffering, bolstered by the confidence that forgiveness gives to you, then try to discern what meaning this suffering has for you. The result is likely to be a significant reduction in that suffering.