Our Forgiveness Blog
Unlikely Friends – Documentary Film Captures Five Forgiveness Stories
By Leslie Neale, Chance Films, Inc.
Would you become friends with the person who shot you or killed your only son?
For most of us this is unimaginable.
There are those, however, who in order to understand the crime have reached through the bars to connect with and then surprisingly befriend the criminals who devastated their lives.
This is the premise of my newly completed film, Unlikely Friends, a feature length documentary narrated by acclaimed actor, Mike Farrell, telling the heroic journey that five victims of horrific, violent crime choose to walk.
The seeds of this film were planted many years ago when I met Nelson, a bank robber featured in my first documentary, Road to Return. Nelson told me he was consumed with an overriding compulsion to go back to the bank he robbed once he was released from prison and APOLOGIZE.
He told me the story of sitting around a conference table in a small town community bank tucked in the rural banks of Louisiana, sharing pictures of one another’s families with the bank’s employees and swapping stories of their lives. They were all crying. The teller, who Nelson held a gun to 12 years prior, finally looked up at him with tears streaming down her face and said, “Thank you. Thank you for coming back here and apologizing because for 12 years I have not been able to get you out of my mind, and I have lived in fear you would come back and kill me.” I thought to myself the brilliance in that simple act of forgiveness. I immediately understood the implications, not only for his heart to be unburdened from the weight of knowing he harmed innocent strangers but also for the victim to be released from the terror of that nightmare. She was finally able to let go of her obsessive thoughts and fears.
This story convinced me to make a film on the concept of forgiveness, to explore how it might be used to affect positive change within our criminal justice system.
Nelson told me that it took him eight years to realize the damaging effects of what he had done. He had left a couple of precious stamps on his bunk “his only link to the outside world” and another inmate stole them. He vowed then to apologize to those he robbed if and when he got out.
The cornerstone to any true and lasting rehabilitation is taking full accountability for what you’ve done. Victims and offenders coming together in victim offender dialogues can be the catalyst for that connection to be made. Forgiveness is not expected from these dialogues but when it happens, it is life changing for both.
Debbie wanted the death penalty for Gabriel, the man who killed her only son. She says she was eaten up with anger and bitterness before she forgave him. In turn, Gabriel shares that her forgiveness affects every action he now takes–if she can forgive him, then he can forgive all the daily transgressions that occur around him in prison. Most of us think theses stories are the exception. Yet, I was surprised to find more stories than I could tell. There are many people who have forgiven acts that most of us deem unforgivable–and the numbers are growing.
Watch a short outtake from the film.
Guest Blog by Leslie Neale, Chance Films, Inc.
Shooting Victim’s Forgiveness Never Wavered
Omaha World Herald, Omaha, NE – His voice weak from an August 2011 shooting, Kerry Baker told his wife in a near whisper to forgive the young men involved in the robbery that left Baker paralyzed from the neck down.
“Kerry would always tell me, ‘You have to forgive them. They got what they got,'” Andrea Baker said, her voice breaking. “I’ve forgiven them. But I’m mad at them. So mad at them. And Kerry never was.”
Baker, an author and a barber, had been confined to a bed in his north Omaha home since he was shot by gang member Josh Provencher during a botched robbery at his barbershop.
The anger multiplied last week when Baker, 42, died–a death that authorities believe may be related to complications of the shooting and paralysis. Now Douglas County Attorney Don Kleine is mulling whether he can bring a murder charge against Provencher, who already was sentenced to 47 to 99 years in prison for Baker’s shooting.
In a September interview, Baker talked about how much he loved telling stories in print or at the barbershop. His once-husky voice was barely audible over the hum of his ventilated bed. But he wanted it made clear. He was moving forward. And he had forgiven Provencher.
Read the full story: “Shooting victim’s forgiveness never wavered.”
A Truly Wonderful Story of Forgiveness
Eighteen-year-old Takunda Mavima was driving home from a party when he lost control and crashed his car into an off-ramp near Grand Rapids, Michigan, in May of last year. Two passengers in the car–17 year-old Tim See, and 15 year-old Krysta Howell–were both killed in the collision.
Takunda Mavima lived.
Mavima pleaded guilty to all charges and was sentenced to between 30 months and 15 years in prison.
Despite their unimaginable grief and anger, both the sister and the father of victim, Tim See, gave a moving address to the court on behalf of Mavima, urging the judge to give him a light sentence.
“I am begging you to let Takunda Mavima make something of himself in the real world. Don’t send him to prison and get hard and bitter, that boy has learned his lesson a thousand times over and he’ll never make the same mistake again,” See’s father said.
And when the hearing ended, the victim’s family made their way across the courtroom to embrace, console, and publicly forgive Mavima.
Read the full story: “A truly wonderful story of forgiveness.”
Starting the Journey of Forgiveness with Courage
It takes steadfast courage to finally decide, “I will forgive.”
So often we know in our mind, through reason, that forgiveness is the right path. Yet, we are hesitant to begin the journey. What if it proves to be too painful? What if I get lost along the way and do not know how to forgive? What if it comes out all wrong?
“Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires some of the same courage that a soldier needs. Peace has its victories, but it takes brave men and women to win them.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
We at the International Forgiveness Institute, Inc. are here to support you as you begin the life-giving journey of forgiveness.
Dr. Bob
Forgiveness and New Skills in Liberia
Robert is a soft-spoken 14-year-old who learned to use an AK-47 rifle when he was eight years old. “I was often really afraid,” he recalled. “Now I’m learning to be a carpenter, but I first want to go back to school before starting to work.”
Tom was 13 when he was forced to join a rebel group. “I was forced to fight because I was separated from my parents,” he said. “I am haunted by what we did during the war.”
At 17, Momo Famol is without a family and without work. He was 10 when soldiers he encountered forced him to the front. He fought so he could eat. “I’m happy there’s peace now in Liberia.”
These are the voices of former combatants in Liberia’s 14-year civil conflict who live together in a camp near Monrovia, the capital city. Here they have begun a transition back into their communities.
The camp is operated by United Methodist Committee on Relief (UMCOR). In partnership with other humanitarian groups, UMCOR provides a place where people like Robert, Tom, and Momo can live and find basic necessities, such as fresh drinking water and medical treatment, as well as trauma counseling and reintegration activities.
Thousands of soldiers demobilized at four such camps throughout Liberia in the first few years after the program began in 2004. Once reviled, they are now learning new literacy and work skills.
In the words of one camp missionary, “We must forgive all the excombatants. Jesus requires us to forgive without keeping score. Why do we continue our efforts? Because if only one young man or woman comes to understand the meaning of forgiveness, then it is worth the effort.”
Read the full story “Forgiveness and New Skills in Liberia.” Learn about the International Forgiveness Institute’s involvement in Liberia’s nationwide Forgiveness Education Program by reading the Feb. 26 post at Dr. Bob’s Blog.
