Ask Dr. Forgiveness
It seems to me that anger is not always a bad thing. Can’t people be energized by their anger, focus, and attain fairness?
Yes, anger can be part of the motivation for achieving good. Yet, we have to make a distinction between anger within reasonable bounds (the emotion does not disable us, is not extreme) and anger that turns to resentment (a long-lasting and intensive anger that can lead to fatigue, distraction, and even physical complications). If we do not make this distinction, we could slip into resentment and conclude that it is good rather than dangerous in the long-term.
How can forgiveness get my money back?? It is worthless!
U heard this recently from a person who lost a lot because of serious theft against him. Here is the answer: Forgiveness will NOT get your money back…….but you are looking in the wrong place for forgiveness’ value. Forgiveness will give you your well-being back. There is its value.
What are your latest forgiveness projects?
We have five projects right now at the International Forgiveness Institute:
1) We have a bumper sticker campaign entitled, “Drive for Others’ Lives.” The point is that, when driving, people are encouraged to think about those in the other cars and to behave in such a way as to respect them for the purpose of keeping them safe.
2) We are working on forgiveness interventions for people who are without homes, specifically those who: a) have unjust treatment from others in the past; b) are experiencing now excessive anger, anxiety, and depression in need of healing; and c) currently are not forgiving the people from the past for their injustices. We expect that the forgiveness intervention toward those from the past will lessen the current psychological challenges and possibly aid them in securing more stable housing across time.
3) We are doing similar programs (as described in #2 above) for people who are in prison.
4) Forgiveness education through our curriculum guides for educators of children (as young as age 4) through adolescence (up to age 18).
5) We are planning an international forgiveness conference in July, 2022 for educators, particularly educators who have been teaching forgiveness in Hong Kong, Northern Ireland, and Israel and the West Bank.
I hear the term inherent worth a lot when it comes to forgiveness, but I do not know what it is.
Inherent worth is the understanding that all people are special, unique, and irreplaceable and so no one should be treated as a means to others’ ends. All have value or worth, even when they behave badly.
My boyfriend, who is straining our relationship, keeps borrowing money from me, not paying it back, and then he proclaims that he is forgiving himself. He then continues in the same pattern. Is this really self-forgiveness? If so, I want none of it.
Your boyfriend actually is engaging in what we call false self-forgiveness or pseudo self-forgiveness. Genuine self-forgiveness includes remorse or sorrow for what was done, repentance toward those who are hurt, and a genuine change of behavior, as well as a welcoming the self back into the human community. You might want to point this out to him so that he can stop the denial of the hurtful behavior and possibly be open to change
