Consequences of Forgiving

Spring Cleaning for Your Wounded Heart

…….if when you look inside, you are tired;

…….if when you look inside you do not like yourself anymore;

…….if when you look inside you find rust where you used to see sparkle;

…….if when you look inside you no longer find hope…….

Please know this…….

Forgiveness is your energizer;

Forgiveness is your self-esteem bolster;

Forgiveness is your emotional rust-inhibitor;

Forgiveness gives you hope.

Come, together, let us do some spring cleaning of your heart.

The first step is this: Commit to forgiving, to reducing resentment and offering goodness toward those who have cluttered the rooms of your heart.

The second step is this: Commit to doing no harm to those who have soiled your inner world and did not stay around long enough to clean up after themselves.

Forgiveness will be your servant. Forgiveness will make tidy the rooms of your heart.

Robert

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The Mathematics of Forgiveness

When we are treated deeply unjustly by others, we have a tendency to be wounded in at least eight ways. First is the injustice itself. Second is the emotional reaction, such as considerable anger or frustration or sadness. Third, we sometimes feel shame because others are looking and wondering. Fourth, all of the above can make us tired. Fifth, we sometimes can’t stop thinking about what happened. Sixth, as we compare ourselves to the one who hurt us, we see ourselves as coming up short. Seventh, we sometimes have to make unwanted changes in our lives. And eighth, we drift into pessimism.

One injustice, eight wounds. Now, suppose one person hurt you deeply 20 times. That is 20 X 8 = 160 wounds you are carrying around inside of you.

Suppose further that 5 other people have hurt you 10 times each……just wait a minute., please….doing the math here……That is 400 more wounds. Adding the first person who hurt you to the other five who hurt you and look. You are carrying around at least 560 wounds inside of you.

Injustice has a way of making us round-shouldered if you think about it. But be of good cheer. Forgiveness properly practiced can eliminate most of these wounds, allowing you to stand up straight perhaps for the first time in years.

Do the math…..then please consider forgiving.

Robert

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Forgive and Forget: What Does It Mean? Is It Dangerous?

Here is a syllogism for you:

Premise #1: To forget is to not remember in the sense of moving on and not letting the emotional effects of injustices bother us any more.

Premise #2: To forgive is to forget.

Conclusion: Therefore, when we forgive, we do not remember what happened to us, making us vulnerable to continued injustice.

Implication:

When we fail to remember what happened to us, this can be dangerous because we might let others again take advantage of us.

Because forgiveness might hasten our not remembering, forgiveness is dangerous.

What is wrong with the above argument?

In logic, we have just committed the fallacy of equivocation. By this we mean that there are two very different meanings of at least one word in the argument. The first use of the term “forget” in Premise #1 equates to “moving on” or “putting the injustice behind us.”

The second use of the term “forget” in the Conclusion of the syllogism equates to a kind of amnesia, a blotting out of what happened rather than a moving on from what happened.

Yes, when we forgive we forget (meaning #1) in that we move on.

No, when we forgive we do not forget (meaning #2) in that we can no longer remember anything of what happened, making us vulnerable to another’s continued injustice.

To forgive is to forget in a certain meaning of that term and given that meaning, to forgive is not dangerous, at least not in the sense of “dangerous” meant here.

Dr. Bob

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The Light of Forgiveness

This might help you understand what it is you are doing when you forgive. We are in a dark room, which represents the disorder of unjust treatment toward you. As you stumble around for a match to light a candle, this effort of groping in the dark for a positive solution represents part of the struggle to forgive. As you now light the candle, the room is illumined by both the light and warmth of the candle. When you forgive, you offer warmth and light to the one who created the darkness.

You destroy the darkness in your forgiving.

Now here is what I am guessing you did not know about the light of forgiveness: That light does not just stay in that little room. It goes out from there to others and it even continues to give light across time. For example, if you shed light and warmth on a person who has bad habits, he or she might be changed by your forgiveness and pass it along to others in the future.

Now consider this: If you give this warm candle of forgiveness to your children who give it to their children, then this one little candle’s light can continue across many generations, long after you are no longer here on earth.

I am guessing that you had not thought about forgiveness in quite this way before.

Dr. Bob

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Can Forgiveness Make You Beautiful?

Forgiveness as a cosmetic for the inner you? How could that be? Well, I think it is true. When people are unjust to us, we can scowl and droop our shoulders, and purse our lips…..

or we can fight the tendency to be perpetually angry and give the one who hurt us: kindness, respect, generosity, and love. As we love in the face of cruelty, we scowl less, droop our shoulders less, and even learn to smile again.

The key, I think, is in the inner joy of knowing that the other has not defeated us. We know that we have a way to combat bitterness and it is called love. And love makes us internally beautiful. Augustine of Hippo first said that.

As we experience joy and love within, it somehow finds it way out….to others. And they see your joy and love and call it beautiful.

Forgiveness is more than a cosmetic. Cosmetics cover up. Forgiveness uncovers. Forgiveness reveals the beauty that is underneath…..and by doing so, it makes you more beautiful.

R.E.

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