Tagged: “Anger”
Here is my seventh slogan about forgiveness: “Just let it go and move on.”
You can “just let it go” because you are, even subtly, condemning the person. In other words, you could be passing a very negative judgement toward the one who offended by thinking in this way: “This person is such a low-life that there are no redeeming qualities in this person. So, I will just dismiss what happened and move on.” This is the antithesis of having mercy on a person who was unfair.
Here now is my sixth slogan about forgiveness: “Forgiveness is about giving love. Yet, that love is centered on giving it to ourselves and not to the one who behaved badly.”
You, again, are confusing the essence of forgiveness, which is a free-will giving of goodness to the other person, and the consequence of what happens inside the forgiver. Yes, you can experience love toward the self (as a consequence) as you offer this to the other, seeing that person as possessing inherent worth and as someone who shares a common humanity with you. This consequence does not then become what forgiveness is in its essence.
Here is my fifth slogan about forgiveness: “Forgiveness ultimately is about freedom. It is a freedom from the burden of resentment because of what happened to me.”
Actually, forgiveness is about giving, the giving of goodness in the form of mercy, and on its highest level, love to those who behaved badly. As with your fourth slogan, you may be confusing what forgiveness is with one major consequence of forgiving. As we give this mercy to the other (in terms of what forgiveness is), a consequence often is freedom from resentment.
Here is my fourth slogan about forgiveness: “Forgiveness is the struggle to help change the other person so that the injustice stops.”
This desire to help the other is part of forgiveness because, in forgiving, the forgiver wants what is best for the other person. Yet, one can forgive even if the other refuses the forgiver’s overture of mercy and a second chance. The struggle to help change the person runs deeper when the goal is reconciliation, or coming together again in mutual trust, which does not always happen. When reconciliation is not possible, a person still can forgive by wishing the other well, having mercy on the other, and hoping that reconciliation might be possible in the future, without demanding that reconciliation.
Here is my third slogan about forgiveness: “When I forgive, I give up the expectation that the other person will change and, instead, focus on my own healing.”
This, as was the case with your first and second slogans, is incorrect. All moral virtues concern goodness, and this is also the case with forgiveness, where the focus is on the one who behaved badly. You try, with effort and time, to see the inherent worth in that person. A consequence of this—-a consequence, not what forgiveness is—–involves emotional healing within the forgiver. The slogan confuses what forgiveness is and the consequences of it.
