Tagged: “break free from the past”

We Have Created a Diversion Toward Forgiveness

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The 17th-century philosopher Blaise Pascal wrote importantly about what he called “diversion,” meaning that people have a tendency to distract themselves from important ideas and actions. I have come to see that forgiveness is one of the central moral virtues that has been a victim of diversion.  As we continue to ignore forgiveness as an integral part of our lives, there are these possible consequences:

Not Discussing Forgiveness

When was the last time you sat down with others to discuss forgiveness?  I suspect the answer for many people is “I can’t remember” or “I don’t think I have done this.”  In contrast, the moral virtue of justice is ever before us, and we discuss it, perhaps even unaware that we are doing so, as we, for example, talk about what is fair in our communities or which political positions are fairest.

Not Accurately Understanding Forgiveness

When we do not discuss forgiveness, we do not give ourselves the important opportunity to deeply understand it.  We might, for example, equate forgiving with “just moving on” or “forgetting about the whole thing.”  Such ideas do not capture the richness of forgiveness as a moral virtue in which the forgiver willingly tries to be good to those who are not good to the forgiver.  This understanding can take time and effort because forgiveness is a paradox—the giving to those who have been unjust.

Not Practicing Forgiveness Diligently

As forgiveness is set aside in discussions, there may be a tendency to set it aside in practice, when we are hurt by others’ actions.  As Aristotle reminded us, we tend to grow in moral virtues the more we practice them.  If we do not have forgiveness on our radar and others around us are not encouraging us to forgive, we may look for other ways to respond to injustices, such as seeking only a fair solution, even when fuming with anger.  Even here, if a person focuses exclusively on justice while fuming inside, that justice-seeking could become intemperate as the justice-seeker blends some revenge with the quest for fairness.

Not Bringing Forgiveness into One’s Family and Community

If we do not discuss, understand, or practice forgiveness, there may be an unfortunate tendency not to pass this important moral virtue on to children in families. In other words, the children will not be prepared to forgive others when the storms of injustice within adulthood arise.  Think about a scenario in which a child rarely hears about forgiveness and now, as a 35-year-old, is suddenly abandoned by a long-time partner.  The emotional pain of this could be eased by taking the time to forgive accurately and well.  If the 35-year-old has not had the opportunity to know and practice forgiveness, this person will have to learn about forgiveness now, within the swirling context of a complex adulthood where there are bills to pay, employment to fulfill, and perhaps children to raise.  Would it not be better if this person, as a 6-year-old, and 10-year-old, and 15-year-old was introduced to forgiveness so that this could have been carried into adulthood for the person’s good and the good of the family?

In Conclusion

How has it happened that forgiveness has become hidden in families, schools, local communities, and larger societies?  What can be done to reverse this unfortunate situation?  First, we must recognize the truth of this.  Forgiveness has been ignored, set aside, too often, and in too many world communities.  Then we need a plan to awaken forgiveness in minds and hearts and relationships by showing what it is, what it accomplishes, and its importance in human interactions.  We then need a way to keep forgiveness going so that it does not fade out, so that forgiveness takes its rightful place along with other moral virtues such as justice, respect, and kindness.  Doing so may be a significant protection for the hearts, minds, and relationships of those wounded by others’ cruelty.  We need to start dismantling the destructive ways of diversion away from forgiveness so it can live consistently and abidingly in our hearts and communities.

Perseverance & Forgiveness

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Well……..it looks to be the case that we are persevering.  The following essay was posted here in May of 2012, 14 years ago.  It centers on our forgiveness education work in Belfast, Northern Ireland.  As of this writing, we now have been there with forgiveness education for almost a quarter of a century, ending 24 years of this effort this month, with plans to continue in the future.  We started with 6-year-old students in Primary 3 (first grade in the United States) and 8-year-old students in Primary 5 (third grade in the United States).  These “wee ones” (as they say there) are now 30 years old and 32 years old, respectively.  I wonder: Did they keep what they learned about forgiveness and apply it amid the rigors of adulthood when injustices were visited upon them?  If so, was forgiveness helpful for them, for the one(s) who might have hurt them, and for their families, as resentments might have been quelled?  I wonder.

So, when you read below that “The IFI has had a presence in Belfast for over 10 years now….,” change that to “The IFI has had a presence in Belfast for almost a quarter of a century now.”

Here is that long-ago essay, still very relevant today:

2002…. That is the year the International Forgiveness Institute began writing forgiveness education curriculum guides for teachers. We started with first grade classrooms in Belfast, Northern Ireland. When we started knocking on principals’ doors to discuss this life-giving project, we were met with skepticism.

“You will not last more than three years,” was what we heard consistently. Three years? Why three in particular?

“Because when people come from foreign lands to help Belfast, those well-meaning people never stay more than three years,” was the retort.

It became apparent that people go to Belfast with high expectations, great enthusiasm, and lots of adrenaline as they embark on their new adventure. Then the reality strikes. By year three the fatigue sets in, the streets of Belfast are all too familiar. It is now work and not adventure. Goodbye, Belfast!

The IFI has had a presence in Belfast for over 10 years now. So far, we have beaten the odds by staying three times longer than expected.

This issue of perseverance and endurance has me thinking. How can one preserve the idea of forgiveness in families, schools, places of worship, and places of employment? That seems easy……for about three years, but what about the next 10 or 20 or even 40 years?

How can forgiveness endure when there are so many diversions in life, so many new and good and novel ways to introduce new curricula to schools or new programs to businesses?

It takes a team and at least one person with an iron-clad will in the short-run. Forgiveness can too easily fade from the scene without this.

How will you preserve forgiveness in your own heart and in your most important relationships? How will you keep it from drifting out to sea, almost unnoticed as it fades? The first step is to realize that this can happen….and then not let it happen.

Essays on Forgiveness at the Psychology Today Website

Dr. Robert Enright

So far, in 2026, Dr. Enright has the following essays posted on the Psychology Today website:

How to Stop Blaming Yourself When Your Partner Is Abusive, May 5, 2026

The Emotions Behind Forgiveness, April 22, 2026

Do You Really Think You Know What Forgiveness Is?, March 24, 2026

Protecting Yourself if You Want to Forgive, February 19, 2026

Once Broken, How Can Trust Be Restored in a Relationship?, January 19, 2026

Recent Journal Publications with Authors from Our International Forgiveness Institute, Inc.

Jichan Kim, Associate Professor of Psychology at Liberty University. (Photo by KJ Jugar)

Kim, J. & Enright, R.D. (in press). Clarifying the virtue of forgiveness in restorative justice: A commentary on Palazzolo. Journal of Theoretical and Philosophical Psychology

Li, Y., Kim, J., Song, J., & Enright, R.D. (in press). Validating the Enright Forgiveness Motivation Inventory (EFMI). Current Psychology

The Enright Forgiveness Motivation Inventory (EFMI) now is available to request on our website here:

https://internationalforgiveness.com/product/the-enright-forgiveness-motivation-inventory/

Anger is a normal reaction to injustice, right? Do we repress some anger when we forgive?

Anger does seem to be a natural part of reacting to injustice. We need to remember that anger can be felt and expressed along a continuum. If the anger is short-lived and not extremely intense, then it can be useful in energizing a person who then strives to correct the injustice. When anger becomes extreme, both in its duration and intensity, forgiveness can be an effective way to control it. Forgiveness exercised in the right way (by not denying the injustice and not denying the angry reaction) can actually reduce the anger. When this happens, the anger is not repressed but instead is diminished.