Tagged: “break free from the past”
Isn’t forgiveness different for all who experience it? After all, we are all unique.
Your idea of complete differences for each person who forgives is a philosophy of relativism. Here is a different perspective for your consideration: Aristotle distinguishes between the Essence and the Existence of different phenomena. Essence is the objective reality of what something is. All chairs, for example, share certain commonalities that differ from those of sofas or beds. Existence is how an Essence might be experienced differently. There are many different chair designs, for example, but they all still share a common Essence. It is the same with forgiveness. There is an objective reality across time, cultures, and persons that represents reality. Forgiveness is the motivation, affect, cognition, and behavior to be merciful to those who have been unfair to us. This can be expressed differently by different people and in different cultures, but this does not diminish what forgiveness is in its Essence. If forgiveness were completely different for each person, there could be no science of forgiveness, for example, because we could not devise measures of forgiveness or correlate forgiveness with such interesting variables as hope, self-esteem, and depression. Even in the interpersonal realm, how could we talk about forgiveness with one another if we keep meaning something different from each other?
If those who offend others have experienced a lot of pain in their lives, do you think they would be more open to accepting the offended person’s overture of forgiving than, say, others who have rarely experienced pain in their lives?
Yes, you are making a good point, particularly if the people are aware of the pain and its effects on them. In some cases, people who have experienced much pain are unaware of it and can end up displacing the anger onto others. Once the psychological defense of denial becomes conscious, it is usually less likely that they will continue the hurtful displacement of their anger onto others. Their past pain from others may make them more sensitive to the pain in others, including those whom they may have hurt.
Are You Ready to Become Forgivingly Fit?
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Robert Enright wants you to become “forgivingly fit.” In other words, when you have been treated very unfairly by others, your forgiveness likely will require both time and effort. In our “hurry up” world, there is a tendency to seek the quickest and least painful path. Yet, if you want to forgive deeply, you likely will need more than this. His essay on the Psychology Today website discusses this issue of “forgiving fitness” here: Are You Ready to Become Forgivingly Fit?, November 15, 2025.
Special Issue of a Journal on Forgiveness Education
Dr. Suzanne Freedman
The open-access journal Education Sciences has published 11 articles from a wide range of world contexts, all centered on forgiveness education. The introductory article, written by Dr. Suzanne Freedman, is here: https://www.mdpi.com/2227-7102/15/12/1628.
My friend keeps saying, “I have forgiven because I was not hurt by what he did.” Is this forgiveness?
Forgiveness is not the experience of never being hurt by the other’s unjust actions. Yet, a person can forgive even without experiencing deep hurt. Forgiveness for small things entails seeing the other as a worthwhile human being despite the annoyance. Forgiveness is to separate the worth of the other from the offense. You are not excusing the injustice. Instead, you are broadening your view of who the other person is, despite the annoyance.
