Tagged: “break free from the past”
Can people forgive in groups or would this inhibit their telling their story of injustice against them when others are watching and perhaps judging? In other words, would it be better to have one-on-one forgiveness counseling rather than group work?
We have done randomized experimental and control group studies in which one-on-one work was done and others in which group work was done. Group work can take several sessions before the participants bond with one another and are willing to open up about their pain and the injustices against them. Yet, this kind of openness does occur. The statistical results tend to show that one-on-one work leads to stronger results on average, but those in group work also substantially benefit. Here is one reference to a forgiveness group study with men in a maximum-security correctional institution that was very effective in reducing clinical (or near clinical) levels of anger, anxiety, and depression:
Yu, L., Gambaro, M., Song, J., Teslik, M., Song, M., Komoski, M.C., Wollner, B., & Enright, R.D. (2021). Forgiveness therapy in a maximum-security correctional institution: A randomized clinical trial. Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy, 28, 1457-1471.https://doi.org/10.1002/cpp.2583
I have been reading and inspired by one of your self-help forgiveness books. I used the information in it. I forgave my brother for certain injustices. When I went to him and quietly told him that I forgive him, he responded angrily. He said that he did nothing wrong and that I am being overly sensitive. I have carefully examined my conscience and have concluded that he truly acted unfairly and that my response is the truth. What do I do now?
First, congratulations on your courage to forgive. Second, you may have to forgive your brother for his new response to you, which obviously hurt you. Third, please keep in mind that he is on a different level of development with regard to receiving or seeking forgiveness than you are in your journey of forgiving. Give him some time to break his denial about his actions. Even if he does not come around to seeking and receiving your forgiveness, you have done your best. You now can interact with him in a less perplexed way. It is possible that he could change in the future, and even if he does not, you have given him a great gift in your forgiving.
A Forgotten History of Polish People’s Forgiveness After Auschwitz
This is a guest blog post from Edward Reid, who runs the “Polish History” site on Facebook. The essay, copied in full here with Mr. Reid’s permission, shows the forgiving nature of the Polish people after Rudolf Höss brutalized so many in Auschwitz.
Facebook page – April 16, 2025
The essay is as follows:

Image by Karolina Grabowska, Pexels.com
In 1947, Rudolf Höss, commandant of German KL Auschwitz in the years 1940-1943, was sentenced to death by the Supreme National Tribunal in Poland. Two weeks later, on 16 April, he was hanged next to the crematorium of the former concentration camp.
Rudolf Höss did not fear death. What he feared was torture, which he believed was inevitable at the hands of his Polish captors. After all, Auschwitz had been located in German-occupied Poland, and it was the Polish people who had suffered so terribly under his command.
What he encountered instead left him stunned.
He was not met with hatred or violence, but with decency and restraint. “I have to confess that I never would have expected to be treated so decently and so kindly in a Polish prison,” he later wrote. That unexpected mercy opened something within him. Several of the Polish guards, themselves former prisoners of Auschwitz, quietly showed him the tattoos burned into their arms. Rather than seek revenge, they treated him with dignity.
It was an act that brought him shame. If those he had helped torment could offer him humanity, then perhaps, he began to wonder, God might offer him mercy as well. Apathy gave way to guilt. Recognition replaced denial. He began to grasp the weight of what he had done.
For the first time, his soul responded to a flicker of love. The ideology he had once followed so blindly had taught him that Poles were inferior, little more than cattle. But now, through their compassion, he saw clearly the humanity of those he had dehumanized. And in that realization, he began to understand the true gravity of his crimes.“In the solitude of my prison cell, I have come to the bitter recognition that I have sinned gravely against humanity,” he wrote. “I caused unspeakable suffering for the Polish people in particular. I am to pay for this with my life. May the Lord God forgive one day what I have done. I ask the Polish people for forgiveness.”
By all accounts, his repentance appeared genuine. On April 4, 1947, which was Good Friday that year, Höss asked to make a confession. The prison guards struggled to find a priest who spoke fluent German. That is when Höss remembered Father Władysław Lohn, a Jesuit he had once saved from execution. The guards located him in Łagiewniki, Poland, where he was then serving as chaplain at the Shrine of Divine Mercy. Father Lohn heard his confession on the Thursday of Easter week. The next day, he gave him Holy Communion and Viaticum.
Witnesses said that as Höss knelt in his prison cell, he appeared like a small boy.
The man who had once been trained to suppress all weakness now wept openly.
Five days later, on April 16, 1947, as the noose was placed around his neck at Auschwitz, Father Tadeusz Zaremba stood beside him and recited the prayers for the dying.
Whether or not he deserved forgiveness is something each person must decide for themselves. But the crimes committed against the Polish people must never be forgotten.
And neither should the quiet strength of those who, even in the face of unimaginable suffering, chose mercy. This is also why the Polish people, despite their profound heroism and the scale of their suffering were left behind in the telling of history. They did not turn their pain into politics or profit. They did not build monuments to themselves and demand all the world bow to their wounds. They endured in silence behind the Iron Curtain. Many showed mercy when they had every right to hate. And in doing so, they were forgotten by a world that rewards those who shout the loudest, not those who suffer with dignity.
But the truth remains. It was not only the victims who showed humanity – it was the forgotten Polish guards, the priests, the villagers, the mothers, the resistance fighters. They gave the world a quiet, sacred kind of courage.
The kind that history has yet to fully honor…
What is the difference between forgiving and legal pardon?
When a judge decides to reduce a deserved sentence for a person within a correctional system, that judge is not the one who was treated unjustly by the one pardoned. The judge, in other words, needs to be detached from the unjust situation for a fair ruling. In contrast, a forgiver has been the one (or among the ones) injured and, from that position, offers mercy. Both are offering mercy, but forgiving is deeply personal and often involves emotional pain within the forgiver, which is not the case for the judge who engages in legal pardon.
I have heard that your colleagues and you have written a manuscript on the philosophical issues of the definition of forgiveness. Would you please provide me with that reference?
We have a complete issue of the American Psychological Association’s Journal of Theoretical and Philosophical Psychology, which is the first issue, in February for 2025. The reference to our central article in that issue and our final response to the commentaries are as follows:
Song, J., Enright, R.D., & Kim, J. (2025). Definitional drift within the science of forgiveness: The dangers of avoiding philosophical analyses.
Journal of Theoretical and Philosophical Psychology, 45(1), 3-24. Note: This is the centerpiece article for a special issue on the definition of forgiveness within psychology. doi: https://doi.org/10.1037/teo0000278
Enright, R.D., Kim, J., & Song, J. (2025). Our hope that definitional drift in forgiveness will cease from drifting: Our comments on the six commentaries. Journal of Theoretical and Philosophical Psychology, 45(1), 65-71.doi: https://doi.org/10.1037/teo0000306