Tagged: “Dr. Robert Enright”
Can people actually forgive themselves? It is as if they are their own judge and jury.
Self-forgiveness is offering mercy to oneself after breaking a moral standard. We can give ourselves moral virtues. For example, we can be patient with ourselves and kind to ourselves. Why would having mercy on the self be prohibited? So, yes, we can forgive ourselves when we have behaved badly. Usually, when we break our moral standards, we have hurt other people as well. When this occurs, going to those who were hurt by our actions and asking for forgiveness is part of this healing process, not only for ourselves but also for others.
Thank you for your answer to my question about my sister who wants me to forgive her even though I was not offended. When I explained that she did nothing wrong, she asked me this: “Should I forgive myself for what I did?” What do you think?
I do not recommend that she forgive herself because it seems she did not behave unjustly. Maybe she made a mistake, and so she can work on accepting herself as imperfect. Self-forgiveness occurs when the person has broken a moral standard, which she apparently did not do. So, I recommend she work on self-acceptance rather than self-forgiveness.
My sister has asked me several times to forgive her for something I do not think is wrong. I am not upset, and I see no need to forgive. Yet, she keeps asking. What should I do?
I recommend that you stand in the truth and gently and lovingly explain to her that you do not think she did anything wrong. Because of this, you do not have to forgive her. Let her know that you love her.
When the news agencies state that a given state in the United States is forgiving student debt, are they truly using the term “forgiveness” correctly?
Actually, no; this is not forgiveness, but instead a legal pardon. Forgiveness occurs when a person is hurt by another. When governments eliminate debt, the government is not treated unfairly by the students. Legal pardon is not a personal affront, but a political decision in which those making the decision were not personally hurt by those who benefit from the decision.
Can I forgive situations, such as an unexpected flat tire? I ask because I kind of got mad at the tire.
No, you cannot forgive a flat tire because to forgive is to have mercy on people who have been unfair to you. You cannot have mercy on a flat tire. I recommend that you work on accepting what happened rather than forgiving the situation, because we cannot forgive situations.
