Tagged: “emotional forgiveness”
What’s the difference between just letting out my anger and forgiving?
“Just letting out” your anger is known as catharsis. It can temporarily lead to some relief of the anger, but if this is your exclusive path for dealing with anger, you could, without realizing it is happening, make this letting-out a habit and this can intensify anger. Forgiveness, in contrast, softens the anger as you reach out in mercy to the one(s) who hurt you. Forgiveness offers a cure for the anger whereas catharsis does not.
My friend recently told me that she approached her partner, telling him that she is forgiving him for her own sake, and not for his. Is this true forgiveness?
It seems to me that your friend is using forgiveness in this case as a weapon against her partner. Her statement to him is implying that she is concerned about herself as a person, not about him as a person. True forgiveness acknowledges the personhood in the other person and offers compassion and kindness, which does not seem to be occurring in the scenario you describe.
The one who hurt me does not deserve my forgiveness. What do you think about this?
When you use the word “deserve,” you are focusing on justice. Forgiveness, in contrast, is a moral virtue centered on mercy. The one who hurt you may not “deserve” your forgiveness, but you certainly can have mercy on this person whenever you are ready.
Might relaxation training work as well as forgiveness when we are angry with other people?
Relaxation training is good for reducing anger and stress, but it focuses mostly on the anger and stress as symptoms. Relaxation, at least temporarily as you practice it, can reduce that anger and stress. Yet, once you are no longer relaxing, the anger and stress can build up again. Forgiveness, in contrast, does not focus on symptoms but instead focuses on the causes of the anger and stress, which, in the context of forgiveness, is a person and the person’s unjust actions. Forgiving can cure the anger rather than address it temporarily.
Can anger be healthy at times?
We can make a distinction between healthy and unhealthy anger. When we are first treated unjustly by others, there is a tendency to feel angry, which is a sign of self-respect (people should not be treating you this way) and a sign that you uphold moral standards of right and wrong. In contrast, unhealthy anger is the kind that takes up residence in the human heart, festers, grows more intense, and literally can last for years. This is unhealthy because it can lead to fatigue, discouragement, and mistrust for other relationships.
