Tagged: “forgive”
How can forgiveness fit into contemporary society, such as schooling?
Parents can use teachable moments when watching films or reading stories. We have forgiveness education in schools in over 30 countries. Books on forgiveness, magazine articles, newspaper articles on forgiveness can engender a curiosity about what forgiveness is and is not. A key issue is to begin conversations deliberately focused on the moral virtue of forgiveness. I have observed that such deliberate conversations are rare. It is my hope that they become more common in families, schools, workplaces, and other areas of communities.
How can our students accept the spirit of forgiveness when violence is rampant in their family?
Students need to be taught that as one forgives, then seeking fairness also is necessary in certain contexts such as violence. Do not let one virtue (forgiveness) emerge without the other (justice) when there is danger. Just because certain people are unjust does not mean that now I as a forgiver am blocked from being a moral person who practices the other virtues such as courage and justice. It is hard to forgive a violent parent, but the alternative (hate) is a much harder condition with which to live for the growing child or for an adult-child who suffers the effects of that violence many years later.
Is it possible that the expression of forgiving can cause the person who originally acted unjustly to feel annoyed? If this happens, does this make the act of forgiving wrong?
If the one who acted unjustly is annoyed at the genuine expression of forgiveness by the offended person, this is not the fault of the forgiver. Why? It is because the forgiver is giving something good, love, to the other. Rejection of that love does not make love bad. As an analogy, if a parent gives a birthday present out of love to a child and the child does not like the present and yells, is this the fault of the parent or of the act of gift giving?
What is the relationship between forgiveness and self esteem? Is there a connection between them?
Yes, and our research shows over and over again that as people forgive, they start to like themselves more. In other words, when beaten down by others, the offended people tend to believe the lie. Forgiveness releases them from the lie that they are worthless and instead they see that all people have worth. Thus, their self-esteem rises.
How can we inspire someone to be forgiving, but not then feel like a perpetual victim?
Hearing about what forgiveness is and is not can motivate people to forgive. Simply trying forgiveness can be highly motivating because it puts love in the heart when done well. Also when forgiving is done well, the forgiver engages in the moral virtue of humility, which should help the forgiver to avoid a continual sense of victimhood with a “you owe me one” attitude.
