Tagged: “forgive”
I was hurt by a friend several years ago. When I think about forgiving, I know we will never reconcile and so I get lazy about forgiving. What are your thoughts about this?
If you still are emotionally unsettled because of what happened between you, then you can forgive and it likely will be in your best interest to do so. Reducing inner discontent is one good reason to offer forgiveness to this person.
If a person’s actions are hurtful but there was no intention to hurt you, is this forgivable? In other words, does a person have to intend to hurt me to qualify for my forgiving?
There are examples of people not intending to hurt you that still are unfair. Because the actions are unfair, you can forgive, if you so choose. Here is an example: Suppose a person is texting on a cell phone while driving a car. The person goes through a red light, with no intention to do so, and hits your car and your leg now is broken. Even though this person did not mean to hurt you, the action was such that the person should have been paying more attention. Thus, this is an injustice, even without an intention to act unjustly. As an injustice, you can go ahead and forgive.
Is it harder to forgive if a person is filled with anger compared with another person who is filled with pain and sorrow after being treated unfairly?
It seems to me that if the anger is very intense and includes resentment or even hatred, then, yes, it is harder to forgive. Some people who are fuming with anger cannot even use the word “forgiveness” because it intensifies the anger. At the same time, if a person has deep sorrow, sometimes there is an accompanying lack of energy and the person needs some time to mourn first. At such times, the person needs to be gentle with the self as emotional healing takes place.
Can someone forgive a tornado if it destroyed his home?
Forgiveness is toward people who have been unfair. Can a tornado be unfair? No, because a tornado has no intentions to do evil. One can work on acceptance of what happened, but it would be a distortion of forgiveness if you encouraged someone to forgive an inanimate object. A goal of forgiveness, not always possible, is to enter back into a loving or respectful relationship with that person. One cannot ever enter into a loving relationship with a tornado.
If a person continuously forgives an insensitive partner, does this enable the partner’s bad behavior?
No, forgiving does not enable bad behavior. A lack of justice-seeking can enable that behavior. As a person forgives, it is important to bring justice alongside the forgiveness and ask for fairness. In this way, the partner has the opportunity to examine and change the behavior that is causing the problem.
