Suppose that I see the one who hurt me as a wounded person.  I do not excuse, but as you say, I “widen the lens” through which I see the other person.  Might this be dangerous because, maybe, the offending person now begins to see all of his wounds and interprets these differently than you do.  In other words, in seeing his own wounds, maybe now he excuses himself and perpetrated more abuse on you.  What do you think?

When you forgive, you need to bring justice alongside the forgiving.  In other words, you ask fairness of the other.  This asking for fairness should help the other person to not now start excusing his unfair behavior.  After all, you would not ask for changes in the person if you are excusing the behavior.  To excuse is to see an extenuating circumstance and not a deliberate injustice.

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