Tagged: “forgive”
I think it is wrong to forgive people for certain offenses. For example, a murderer of a parent’s child is just too much. I think we need to draw the line, and this is one of them for me. What do you think?
Even if some people refuse to forgive those who perpetrate certain kinds of injustices, there are people who do forgive under such circumstances. Therefore, the conclusion is this: All offending people are forgivable, regardless of the offense, for those who choose to forgive. There are those who will refuse to forgive people for certain offenses. Yet, this does not support the conclusion that we cannot forgive the perpetrators of these wrongdoings.
I think that self-acceptance is better than self-forgiveness because it avoids the controversy that a person cannot actually forgive the self. What do you think about this?
As you can see from the other recent posts here, I have responded to criticisms of self-forgiveness, concluding that it is a reasonable approach when a person is engaged in self-loathing. Self-acceptance does not go as far as self-forgiveness. In other words, when you deeply self-forgive, you are loving yourself again, after a possible period of excessive self-condemnation. Self-acceptance does not necessarily include loving the self; it might instead involve tolerating or even respecting the self, without the added, higher challenge of trying to love the self as you love others. So the two are not the same, and I see self-forgiveness as the higher moral path.
I read a while back one of your essays on self-loathing and forgiveness. Can you point me in the right direction so that I can re-read that essay?
Yes, that essay was published on Psychology Today’s website here:
The Cure for Self Loathing? Self-Forgiveness, July 22, 2017
What Does Forgiveness Entail?
Photo by Ann H, Pexels.com
On January 26, 2026, Richard Balkin, a professor at the University of Mississippi, published an article on the website The Conversation discussing forgiveness. In two places on the site, he defines forgiveness this way:
- “At its core, forgiveness is internal: a way of laying down ill will and our emotional burden……”
- “……forgiveness comes when we relinquish feelings of ill will toward another.”
Is this philosophically correct? We would say no because it is reductionistic, focusing on only half of the equation when it comes to the moral virtue of forgiveness. If forgiveness is a moral virtue, then, as a moral virtue, it concerns goodness toward others. More specifically, when it comes to forgiveness, the person is exercising goodness toward the one who behaved unjustly. This would involve not only the free-will attempt to reduce or eliminate “ill will” but also, to be more complete, its essence needs to include the struggle to offer positive feelings, thoughts, and behaviors toward the other person as well, even if the other is no longer in the forgiver’s life. In other words, even without reconciliation, a forgiver can speak well of the offending person to others. Reducing ill will and offering goodness captures the essence of forgiveness more accurately than the appropriation of either one alone.
The article can be read here:
Announcing a New Initiative: Families for Forgiveness Education
Mary Lou Coons
In conjunction with Mary Lou Coons, who runs the Puppets for Peace Foundation, we are launching a new initiative entitled Families for Forgiveness Education. The point of this effort is to encourage interested parents (or other adults in the family) to teach children and adolescents about forgiveness at home. The website for this is being built now.
Here is an excerpt from the website explaining the necessity for forgiveness education for children and adolescents:
We need to take the learning of forgiveness very seriously in our troubled world, so that adults are already schooled in the practice of this heroic and vital moral virtue. This is why we started Families for Forgiveness Education: to assist adults in families in passing on forgiveness to their children, and to equip them with the readiness to tackle the serious injustices they might face in adulthood.
The central points of Families for Forgiveness Education are these:
1. We are interested in the development of appreciation and practice of the virtue of forgiveness within the family as a whole, as well as within each person.
2. Forgiveness needs to be established as a positive norm within the family for its members to have an appreciation for and practice of it. This means that the parents must cherish the virtue, have constructive conversations about it, and regularly show it to the family by asking for and granting forgiveness.
3. Forgiveness needs to be taught in the home using age-appropriate and engaging materials for both parents and children, for every member of the family to develop an appreciation for and practice of forgiveness. This is why we have forgiveness curriculum guides for ages 4 to 18, all free of charge for you. This is why I have written self-help books on forgiveness for adults.
4. If children are to grow up to be strong enough to pass on the moral virtue of forgiveness to their own families as adults, parents must continue to teach, practice, and appreciate forgiveness.
5. In the end, Families for Forgiveness Education may prove to be a gift of love that is passed first to the children and then down the generations for years to come. Perhaps this forgiveness might extend to one’s local communities, reducing interpersonal friction and fostering more peaceful encounters.
What about you? Is it your turn to give this gift of love to your family?
More information about Families for Forgiveness Education will become available here as we develop this idea.
