Tagged: “forgive”
How do I heal from my emotional wounds caused by my mother?
Here is a link to an essay I posted on the Psychology Today website about forgiving for what I called a “mother wound”:
Can you provide me with one example of a person forgiving another for “unforgivable” acts or severe trauma?
You might want to view the film, Forgiving Dr. Mengele, in which Eva Mozes Kor describes her forgiving of the Nazis who imprisoned her and her twin sister, who died from the immoral medical experiments at the Auschwitz concentration camp.
How do I go about forgiving someone who refuses to apologize? It is so difficult.
Think about it this way: The one who was unfair has hurt your heart. That hurt can linger for a long time if you do not address it. Forgiving has been shown scientifically to reduce excessive anger, anxiety, and depression. So, why let the other person win twice, once with the injustice and now by planting a persistent hurt in your heart? Forgive and set yourself free. Here is an essay I posted on the Psychology Today website addressing this issue of apology:
He Said, “Forgiveness Is Passive.” Oh, Really?
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While I was discussing forgiveness with a learned scholar, he began the conversation by confidently stating, “But, forgiveness is passive.” When asked to clarify, he meant that a person who forgives does nothing at all in response to the unjust event or the person who behaved unjustly.
The point of this essay is to respond to the accusation that forgiveness is passive with five points.
1. If forgiveness is erroneously seen as taking place only in the thoughts and feelings toward an offending person, then it would seem to be a passive process. After all, the “forgiver” could be in the hammock watching a favorite sports event and have positive thoughts and feelings about the other person. Where, then, is the goodness toward the other, in the form of respect, mercy, and even love? In other words, the goodness of forgiveness is not only about inner thoughts and feelings, but also about behavior.
2. If the “forgiver” drops all attempts at getting the other person to right the wrong, then yes, forgiveness not only may be passive but also dangerous, as the “forgiver” lets the other person continue with unfair behavior. Forgiveness can exist alongside the moral virtue of justice, which asks fairness from others and the self.
3. If forgiveness, on its highest level, includes the moral virtue of agape love (Enright, 2012), then the forgiver is engaging in self-sacrifice for the good of the other. Agape love is not a self-serving phenomenon. Rather, it manifests in how one speaks to others and in actions that encourage people to be their best selves. As an example in forgiveness, this might include helping the other to overcome harmful habits that hurt others.
4. If “forgiveness” is primarily about oneself, then that would be passive toward the other person. Yet, this exclusive self-focus is not what forgiveness is as a moral virtue, as explained in point 3 above.
5. If the one who offended is deceased, forgiveness still is not passive. You can indirectly demonstrate positive behaviors by, for instance, saying something respectful about the individual to others or making a small donation to a deserving charity in the deceased person’s honor. By acting in these ways, you bring your compassion and thoughts about the person into positive behavior.
In summary, when a person proclaims that forgiveness is passive, the evidence for the assertion needs to be defended. This idea of passivity seems to be based on a misunderstanding of what forgiveness is, rather than on the insight that forgiveness is a heroic moral virtue in which a person, even with a broken heart, has mercy on those who caused the pain.
Enright, R.D. (2012). The forgiving life. APA LifeTools.
Self-Forgiveness Research Is on the Rise
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A recent journal article shows that self-forgiveness is becoming increasingly popular. From the article’s Abstract: “The dataset included research and review articles published without language restrictions until August 2025. The analysis identified 493 articles authored by 1297 researchers and revealed a steady growth in self-forgiveness research, with an annual growth rate of 12.07%. The United States, Australia, China, Israel, and Turkey were identified as leading contributors.”
The reference to the article is this:
Pehlivan, N.N. A bibliometric analysis of self-forgiveness research: trends, networks, and thematic developments. Humanit Soc Sci Commun 13, 1097 (2026). https://doi.org/10.1057/s41599-026-07832-6
