Tagged: “forgiveness is a choice”
Do you think forgiveness could be set aside for the vast majority of people if most never reacted with unhealthy anger or resentment?
Forgiving others is not done exclusively because it has excellent psychological benefits, shown by research. Forgiving others also is good in and of itself because it is a moral virtue (as are justice and kindness and respect). Showing goodness as the goal of forgiving (rather than deriving a psychological benefit) is sufficient for forgiveness to be a part of your and others’ life. To address your point directly, as we both know, reacting to injustices only with temperate, short-term (not unhealthy) anger is not likely as part of the human condition. Thus, the need for forgiveness, for psychological reasons, will continue to be alive and well on this earth.
A friend of mine uses a lot of sarcasm. When confronted with this as being kind of nasty, he says, “Lighten up! It was only a joke.” I think he harbors deep anger within him. What do you think?
If this is a pattern and if he sees that others are hurt (which you imply that he does), then, yes, I suspect the same: hidden (from him) and deep anger. He may need to courageously explore who has hurt him in the past and try to practice forgiving, if he chooses. It might lessen or even eliminate his hurtful sarcasm.
Can a person’s pride block forgiveness? In other words, it may lead a person to “dig in” and insist on an apology.
Yes, I do think that at times pride can lead to a resistance to try forgiving those who have acted unfairly. We have to be careful, however, because some cultures and faiths require an apology prior to forgiving. If pride is blocking the forgiveness process, it might help if the person requiring the apology contemplates this question: “Are you hurting yourself by insisting on the apology? Might you be preventing yourself from reducing resentment and being set free from emotional disruption as you wait for a prior response from the other?”
My father passed away about a year ago and I still have some unfinished business with my anger toward him. Can a person forgive someone who has passed away and if so, how do I go about this?
Yes, people can forgive those who have passed away. I have written an essay on this for Psychology Today. Here is a link to that essay:
Can You Forgive a Person Who Has Died?
So, how do I get over my anger if I no longer see the person? I cannot exactly vent toward this person. What do you suggest?
If you choose to forgive, that other person need not be present to you. You can begin, when you are ready, to see the inherent worth in that person. This takes time, but over time this can reduce your anger.
