Tagged: “Forgiveness Process”
I read a while back one of your essays on self-loathing and forgiveness. Can you point me in the right direction so that I can re-read that essay?
Yes, that essay was published on Psychology Today’s website here:
The Cure for Self Loathing? Self-Forgiveness, July 22, 2017
One other question: Might self-forgiveness lead to an excessive focus on myself? I do not need self-absorption.
You need the moral virtue of temperance when you forgive others and when you forgive yourself. In other words, take some time, but do not overdo it when forgiving others or yourself. The exercise of the virtue of temperance will be a protection against overdoing a focus on the self.
Thank for your answer to my previous question about self-forgiveness. I still am having a problem with self-forgiveness. It is this: How can I genuinely decide whether I have wronged myself, given that I am now the defendant (I did wrong) and the judge of my own conduct? In a court of law, the defendant and the judge differ. In the case of self-forgiveness, aren’t I taking on both roles?
No, you are not taking on both roles of defendant and judge when you forgive yourself. Why? It is because when you self-forgive, you are not doing so in a court of law. Instead, you are deciding, through your own conscience, that you did wrong and you are welcoming yourself back into the human community, just as you do when you forgive others who have hurt you. The courtroom analogy for self-forgiveness is a false analogy.
In your experience, what is one big stumbling block to self-forgiveness?
I have found that some people reach the incorrect conclusion that self-forgiveness is impossible because they cannot forgive their own sins. Yet, when you self-forgive, you are not forgiving your sins. Instead, you are striving to rekindle a sense of your own self-worth, having compassion on yourself for what you did. It is similar to forgiving other people. You do not forgive their sins when you forgive, but instead are responding to them with mercy, as worthwhile people in spite of the unjust behavior.
How am I to balance forgiving and setting healthy boundaries with my boss? He is too demanding, but I need to keep my job.
I recommend that you first practice forgiveness so that your anger lessens. With quieter emotions, you then should consider approaching your boss about the theme of mutual respect. Please keep in mind that the boss might be offended at first, but over time, with gentle perseverance on your part, you may help your boss understand the harshness and communicate more respectfully. If the boss still does not “get it,” you should consider continuing to forgive him.
