I am angry with myself for allowing myself to be hurt by a co-worker. He kept giving himself credit for work we did together. I did not find out about this until after he already had done this with our boss. What would you recommend? Should I forgive myself?
When people are angry with themselves, it is appropriate to engage in self-forgiveness, but only if they truly see the actions as morally wrong. In your case, you were not even aware that your co-worker was taking credit for your work. I think you need to forgive your co-worker rather than forgive yourself because you did not act immorally. Regarding being angry with yourself, I urge you to stand in the truth that you were unaware of what was happening and therefore give yourself credit for not acting wrongly.
My friend was abandoned by her partner. She still is not recovered because she is very angry. Is it better if she starts to forgive once she settles down with her anger or is it better to go ahead now with forgiving, as she is motivated to do so?
Most people need a time to be angry and to adjust to the trauma of injustice before starting the forgiveness process. At the same time, if a person has settled down to some extent and is still angry, the forgiveness process can aid in the reducing of that anger. So, a central question is this: Is the anger still very fresh in which case she needs time to settle down and process some of the anger or has she done that already and therefore is ready to start forgiving? You might consider asking her this question.
I have to admit that I am kind of afraid to forgive. I don’t want to “look suffering in the eye.” What would be your recommendation for me?
Many people are afraid to examine their own degree of suffering or even their degree of anger because they see no solution once they “look suffering in the eye” (or anger in the eye). Please remember that forgiveness is a strong solution to suffering and anger and so it is all right for you to stand in the truth and see your suffering and see your level of anger. Forgiveness is your safety net. As you see that suffering, bolstered by the confidence that forgiveness gives to you, then try to discern what meaning this suffering has for you. The result is likely to be a significant reduction in that suffering.
I work hard on forgiveness, but sometimes I get to a week in which I do not want to even think about it or what happened to me. During these times, what can I do to not feel guilty or uncomfortable about setting forgiveness aside?
Let us take an analogy here. Suppose you have a physical fitness regimen. Do you work out every week for an entire year or do you take some time off to refresh, to heal, to re-group? Physical trainers tell us to take some time off. It is good for us. Think of becoming forgivingly fit in the same way. Hard work is good, but we need some time off to refresh and re-group so that we come back to that work with renewed enthusiasm.
I have refused to forgive a good friend for betraying a secret. Now I am annoyed with myself for not forgiving her. What would you recommend in this complicated situation?
It seems that you are ready to forgive your friend based on what you are saying. So, starting this forgiveness journey toward her seems reasonable now. You also could then start to forgive yourself because, as you say, you are annoyed with yourself for not moving forward yet with forgiving her.