Tagged: “Misconceptions”
There are other ways to move on from tragedy besides forgiveness. Is it not possible to go on by facing life head-on, carrying a grudge, and taking a march forward? Forgiveness is merely one of many strategies to move past injustices, isn’t there?
One of the numerous strategies for overcoming tragedy is forgiveness, although some strategies work better than others. Scientific studies have demonstrated that forgiveness is a particularly powerful tool for trauma recovery.
For instance, in a 1996 study that we both published, Suzanne Freedman and I examined women who had experienced incest. Each of the women had psychological sadness, anxiety, low self-worth, and little hope for the future when they came to see us. Before beginning forgiveness therapy, all of these women had attempted various methods of emotional healing, but none of them had proven to be very successful. After each participant received a one-on-one forgiveness intervention from Suzanne for an hour each week for about 14 months, those who received the forgiveness program saw a considerable improvement in their emotional well-being as compared to the control group (who did not receive the forgiveness intervention).
Following the start of the forgiveness intervention (once the original experimental participants finished the program), the members of the control group also experienced a notable improvement in their emotional state after about 14 months. If achieving emotional recovery is the aim, or perhaps one of the goals, then it is worthwhile to consider forgiveness as a method of addressing profound trauma.
Is self-forgiveness required if you have indirectly harmed others by harming yourself emotionally for not acting on your own beliefs of right and wrong?
Because forgiveness is the person’s choice, whether it is toward others or toward oneself, we cannot say that self-forgiveness is required. Some people will choose to forgive themselves and others will not. It is a legitimate act to forgive oneself when you have harmed others, even if this occurs from anger toward oneself first and then displaced anger that spills over to unsuspecting other people. So, in this case, forgiving yourself for harming yourself and then forgiving yourself for hurting someone else would be reasonable and likely would be emotionally healing for you. As you forgive yourself for harming another person, you might consider approaching that person and asking for forgiveness, when you are ready to do so.
It appears to me that not all anger is negative. Can’t people find concentration, find energy in their anger, and achieve justice?
Indeed, having anger can serve as a driving force for doing good. However, we must distinguish between anger that stays within healthy bounds (i.e., does not incapacitate us and is not excessive) and anger that escalates into resentment (a sustained and intense form of anger that can cause exhaustion, division, and even medical issues). If we fail to recognize this difference, we risk becoming resentful and believing that it is ultimately beneficial rather than harmful.
Can you very succinctly tell me why forgiving people who hurt us is so important?
Here is my answer from the book, 8 Keys to Forgiveness (page 225):
You are given the joyous opportunity to shed bitterness and put love in its place for the one who hurt you and then more widely to many, many others, as you are freed to love more deeply and more widely.
Can you suggest one good journal article for me to read on forgiveness education?
I would recommend the following meta-analysis of forgiveness education in different world zones:
Rapp, H., Wang Xu, J., & Enright, R.D. (2022). A meta-analysis of forgiveness education interventions’ effects on forgiveness and anger in children and adolescents. Child Development, 93, 1249-1269.https://doi.org/10.1111/cdev.13771
