Tagged: “Misconceptions”
Some philosophers say that everyone is always doing the best that he or she can when acting badly. Do you agree or disagree and why?
I disagree because some people do say that they know what they are doing is wrong and they go ahead anyway. Consider a person who murders another. Often, when being sentenced in a court of law, convicted people admit severe wrongdoing that was willed. The person currently is sorry, but at the time, now self-admittedly, he admits to perpetrating a wrong that he knew was wrong. He was not doing “the best that he can when acting badly.”
Joram Haber has a book in which he argues in a philosophical way that it is a moral good to wait for an apology prior to forgiving. He makes logically deductive arguments for this. So, again, I ask: Might withholding forgiving be a moral response?
Haber does argue as you say, but he does not address the critical issue of being able to help the other change for the better after you have forgiven. Without addressing this, I would say that his argument is incomplete because it eliminates a reasonable pathway to helping the other person.
Regarding my earlier question about getting an apology from the one who hurt me, isn’t it important that I wait for an apology for this other person’s sake? After all, if I forgive, he might think all is fine and not change.
You can help this person to become more fair with you whether you first forgive or not. Why can’t you seek justice from the other after you have forgiven? As you forgive, ask something of the other.
Do you think an apology is necessary before I can forgive?
If you must wait for an apology from the one who hurt you, then you are giving too much power to this person. Why retain resentment in your heart just because the person will not utter three words: “Please forgive me.” You are free to forgive when you are ready.
When I try to forgive my partner, and look into his past, I sometimes get angrier than before. I say to myself, “What am I doing!?” In other words, I still see the other’s behavior as unacceptable and this makes me angry. What do you suggest?
When you look toward the person’s past, do you slip into the error of excusing what the other did? If you see that you are trying to excuse, that could make you angrier. After all, past hurts are no excuse to hurt others. If you can resist excusing and from a position of truly calling the other’s behavior wrong, what happens in your emotions when you see a wounded person, a confused person, perhaps a person manipulated or mistreated in other ways by important people in his or her life? Does this stir in you a little compassion, as long as you resist the conclusion that he or she just couldn’t help it?
