Tagged: “reconciliation”

What is the one, central issue about forgiveness that you would give to those who are preparing for marriage?

September 28, 2019 directorifi No comments

I would encourage them to get to know very deeply what forgiveness is (a moral virtue in which you practice goodness toward those who are not good to you) and is not (to forgive is not to excuse unjust behavior, to automatically reconcile when the other is a danger to you, nor to abandon the quest for justice). Then I would urge both people to examine the injustices which they suffered in their family of origin, forgive the people, and discuss the pattern of injustices together so that they do not reproduce the injustices in their own marriage.

Learn more at Forgiveness for Couples.

Please follow and like us:

Forgiveness Therapy Provides Quality of Life Benefits to Terminally-Ill Cancer Patients

August 14, 2019 directorifi No comments

Dr. Robert Enright, founder of the International Forgiveness Institute, has been called “the forgiveness trailblazer” by Time magazine and is often introduced as “the father of forgiveness research” because of his 30-year commitment to researching and implementing forgiveness programs. A research article published last week in the American Journal of Hospice and Palliative Medicine® aptly demonstrates how he earned those titles.

“Forgiveness and Reconciliation Processes in Dying Patients With Cancer” is an article that was published by the highly-respected palliative care journal on August 5, 2019. It reports on the methodology and results of a research project conducted in a major regional Swiss hospital by a team of 20 oncology and palliative medicine professionals from Switzerland and Austria.

Three interdisciplinary units at the hospital observed 50 dying patients with cancer experiencing severe conflicts with relatives, themselves, and/or with fate/God. Participant observation was combined with descriptive statistical analysis and a semi-structured therapy protocol based on a 5-phase forgiveness and reconciliation model.

After 18 months of working with the cancer patients (22 died during the study), the medical specialists reported these results: “Forgiveness and reconciliation (F/R) may intensify patient–family relationships and facilitate peace of mind and peaceful death. In 62% of patients, F/R processes occurred repeatedly. Patients indicated that imminent death, a mediating third party, acceptance, and experiences of hope motivated them to seek F/R.”

While those results were hailed as innovative and profound by the researchers and others, they came as no surprise to Dr. Enright. He, in fact, not only implemented forgiveness programs with terminally-ill cancer patients more than 20 years ago, he created an instructor’s manual for those treating such patients back in 2002.

Thanks to a research grant funded by the John Templeton Foundation, Dr. Enright assembled a project team in the mid-1990s that included research associates from UW-Madison, Meriter Health Services, and others that was likely the very first study involving forgiveness interventions with terminally-ill patients.

Dr. Enright’s team provided its conclusions in a report entitled, “A Palliative Care Intervention in Forgiveness Therapy for Elderly Terminally-Ill Cancer Patients.” In addition to outlining that the forgiveness therapy group demonstrated significant improvements on all measures compared to the control group, the team also concluded:

“An important goal of palliative care therapy, improving psychological health at the end of life, appears to have been achieved in this study. Older adults, in the last stage of life because of terminal cancer, who experience emotional disruption because of perceived injustices, may benefit psychologically from forgiveness therapy. As part of a comprehensive intervention of palliative care, forgiveness therapy may be effective for improving quality of life at the end of life.”

Following that ground-breaking study, Dr. Enright teamed up with fellow study participant Mary J. Hansen, Ph.D. (Meriter Health Services), to develop The Journey of Forgiveness: An Educational Program for Persons at the End of Life. That intervention manual is designed exclusively for those treating or caring for patients who are near the end of life. Because of the short life-expectancy of those patients, the manual condenses Dr. Enright’s 20-Step Process Model of forgiving (developed in 1991) into four easy-to-conduct educational sessions.

Since 2002, the end-of-life manual has been distributed to and used by practitioners around the world including those at Cancer Treatment Centers of America. In one of the concluding pages of the manual, Dr. Enright writes:

“Forgiveness can bring you emotional healing. When you truly forgive, you give the gifts of mercy, generosity and ultimately, love. The forgiveness paradox is that as you give the gifts of forgiveness to others, you also receive these gifts.” ♥

Learn more at “Forgiveness for Senior Citizens and Those Nearing End of Life”

Please follow and like us:

I am finding no excuses for what my husband has done to me. When I try to forgive, it is very difficult for me to cultivate any sense of empathy toward him. What would you suggest to help me forgive?

July 30, 2019 directorifi 1 comment

You need not find any excuses for your husband’s behavior if you are to forgive him. Forgiveness is not based on finding excuses, but instead is based on seeing his worth, not because of what he did, but in spite of this. Further, try to see his inner world. Is he wounded in any way? Confused? Do you see a human being rather than someone who is less than human? These kinds of perspectives can increase empathy and foster forgiveness.

Learn more at Forgiveness for Couples.

Please follow and like us:

Do you think it is harder to forgive a person for one really bad offense or to forgive someone who constantly is doing small things to demean and does so almost every day?

July 23, 2019 directorifi No comments

The answer will vary by person and by how gravely serious the one offense is. Many people tell me that they struggle with forgiving those who hurt them on a regular basis. There are two reasons for this: 1) the 20th offense is harder than the first because there is a cumulative effect. The resentments get stronger as the problems persist; and 2) the person sometimes feels trapped, as if the problem will never end. This is why it is so important not only to forgive but also to seek fairness from the other. Living in harmony can occur when the one with a consistent pattern of unfairness comes to see this as unfair and is willing to change. Forgiving and correcting work well together as a team.

Learn more at Forgiving is not. . .

Please follow and like us:

I lost contact with a friend whom I want to forgive. Must I communicate directly with her for my forgiveness to be true forgiveness?

July 19, 2019 directorifi No comments

No, you do not have to go directly to your friend to say that you have forgiven. Forgiveness starts in the heart, as a change from resentment to empathy and compassion. You even can do a behavioral gesture of goodness in an indirect way toward your friend. As an example, you can donate some money to a charity in her name. This gesture of goodwill is a behavioral part of forgiveness.

For additional information, see What is Forgiveness?

Please follow and like us: