My boyfriend, who is straining our relationship, keeps borrowing money from me, not paying it back, and then he proclaims that he is forgiving himself. He then continues in the same pattern. Is this really self-forgiveness? If so, I want none of it.
Your boyfriend actually is engaging in what we call false self-forgiveness or pseudo self-forgiveness. Genuine self-forgiveness includes remorse or sorrow for what was done, repentance toward those who are hurt, and a genuine change of behavior, as well as a welcoming the self back into the human community. You might want to point this out to him so that he can stop the denial of the hurtful behavior and possibly be open to change