How open should I be with my own children about their grandfather’s (my father’s) verbal abuse toward family members when I was growing up? I do want them to have a healthy relationship with their grandfather, but I am feeling a bit uncomfortable hiding the truth from them.

Given that you want the children to have a healthy relationship with their grandfather, it seems to me that he is not guilty of any dangerous behavior (such as physical abuse). In other words, your statement suggests that you can trust your father when he is with your children. If this is correct, then you need not share details of your father’s verbal abuse when you were growing up. If your relationship with him still is strained, and the children notice this, you can briefly state that your father and you are working out some difficulties and not go into detail. Your children need not know those details when there is no present danger to them.

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