I don’t want to lose more time with my father. We are not reconciled and I am an adult. He is adamant in not reconciling with me. He keeps claiming that he is right about what happened in the past and I have been wrong. I admit that I did my part to create this tension, but I am not the only one who acted inappropriately. What can you suggest so that we can reconcile?

First, have you forgiven your father for the past difficulties and have you forgiven him for his insistence now that only you behaved badly? After you forgive, you will need to exercise perseverance. By this I mean that you will need to be open to appropriate times for continuing the dialogue about the past with your father. This will take time and a strong will on your part. Look for even small openings from your father’s heart in which he might be seeing, even a little bit, his part in the past difficulties. As you admit your own part in those past difficulties and gently ask him about his own behavior, this may lead to his finally seeing that the challenges were a two-way street. If he does, then a genuine reconciliation may occur.

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