What happens if I repeatedly extend kindness and forgiveness to someone and the person chooses not to accept it? I feel like this is an opportunity for the other to exploit me. It’s also a chance for me to exhaust myself by being kind without expecting anything in return from the other. How do you respond to my ideas?
Your question is important because, barring some crucial clarifications, you might exhaust yourself and it wouldn’t be true forgiveness. Let’s talk about the situation first—you offering forgiveness and the other refusing it. Assume you were practicing the virtue of justice rather than forgiveness, and whenever you treat someone fairly, this person responds unfairly to you. Would you cease to be just because of this? Would you, for instance, begin to act unfairly? No, you would not give up on the moral virtue of justice. Why? Being fair, even when others are not, is good in and of itself. The same holds true when forgiving someone. Even in the face of unmerciful actions from other people all around us, your showing mercy is a good thing in and of itself.
Moving on to the second point: exhausting oneself. It is possible to forgive someone from a distance without having to make amends if the person consistently takes advantage of you. Put another way, extend forgiveness, but afterward, give serious thought to what is fair and reasonable to bring both of you back together again.
