As I try to forgive my father for unjust actions when I was a child, my partner tells me that I am obsessed with my father. She tells me to just forget it. After all, she says, this is in the past. It is gone. Just forget about it and stop obsessing. In your opinion, is it obsession if I keep mentioning my father when I am truly trying to forgive him? I am not finished with the forgiveness journey and so I bring this up—the issue of my working on forgiving my father—a few times a week with my partner. The conversation rarely last more than 10 minutes because I do not want to be annoying. So, do you think she is right about me being obsessive?
It seems to me that your partner is not fully grasping what forgiveness is and how people tend to go about forgiving. I say this because you say that she asks you to “just forget about it” and “it is gone.” If you try to “just forget about it” when treated deeply unfairly by others, this is not a healing approach. Therefore, I recommend that you show your partner, for example, the book, The Forgiving Life, with the description of the process of forgiving, which unfolds slowly when the forgiver is deeply hurt. In other words, it takes time to forgive. Gently let her know that the approach of “just forget about it” does not work for the vast majority of deeply hurt people. Once she understands forgiveness on a deeper level, I think she will have more patience with you as you progress on your forgiveness journey. Stay at it for the sake of your healing, which likely will help not only you but also your currently relationship with your partner.
