I would like to know about situations in which you were not personally harmed but nevertheless carry resentment because you believe that someone you care about was harmed. Since we were not harmed personally, do we even have the “right” to declare our desire to forgive the person who has wronged someone we love? How should we handle our anger in this situation? And should we continue striving to forgive the one who wounded our loved one if the one who was hurt doesn’t want to forgive?

The philosopher, Trudy Govier, makes the important point that, yes, you can legitimately forgive a person who has harmed your loved one.  Dr. Govier calls this “secondary forgiveness.”  Because you were emotionally hurt by seeing your loved one treated unjustly, you then can forgive the person, even though you were not directly treated unfairly.  You were hurt and so this is your open door to forgive.

Please follow and like us: