I’ve forgiven a friend a couple of times for acting inappropriately and rudely, yet he persists in his rudeness. I’m starting to worry if he interprets my forgiveness as a sign of weakness. Should I withhold my forgiveness the next time to send a different message to him—that when I ask him to stop being so obnoxious and cruel, I truly mean it?

In my opinion, reconciliation—rather than forgiveness—is at stake here. After you have let go of your anger, you may ask the other person to be fair. You can forgive from the bottom of your heart. You are conveying the message—that the behavior is inappropriate—that I believe is your objective as you continue to request justice. Therefore, think about forgiving as soon as you feel angry because of the unfairness. Next, focus on reconciliation by pointing out the actions you would like to see him alter so that you two can once more have mutual trust.

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