Author Archive: directorifi
3 Things Forgiveness Demands of Us
Sojourner Magazine, Washington, D.C. – Editor’s Note: This article is actually a collection of excerpts from an inspiring commentary by Lisa Sharon Harper in the 6/19/17 issue of Sojourner Magazine.
Forgiveness is completely counterintuitive. When betrayed, diminished, abused, oppressed, exploited, or erased it is human to want to pay an eye for an eye. Our hearts betray back, diminish back, lead us to abuse back, oppress back (if we can), exploit back, or erase back.
I had never actually hated anyone before, then my heart felt hate’s comfort. It was intoxicating. Hate made me forget my own pain. I felt puffed up and empowered — empowered to erase the other in my heart … and it felt good. What I didn’t realize was even as I was puffing myself up, my heart was hardening, transforming from flesh to stone — no longer human.
The first requirement of forgiveness is desire. We must desire a better world — a better way of being in the world.
The second requirement of forgiveness is hope. We must have hope that a better world — and a better way of being — is possible.
The third requirement of forgiveness is humility. We must agree with God that the perpetrator is human — and so are we. We do not know his whole story. We do not know what led her to take the action she took. We do not get to craft their story. We are mere flesh and they are mere flesh.
Once we hold desire, hope, and humility, then forgiveness is possible.
I desire.
I hope.
I see the other’s humanity.
I forgive.
Read More: 3 Things Forgiveness Demands of Us
Misunderstanding Forgiveness as One Reason Why We Need Forgiveness Education
If we start forgiveness education early, when students are 5 or 6 yearsold, they will have a much firmer grasp of what forgiveness is…..and therefore likely will be successful in their forgiveness efforts, especially if these students are schooled not only in what forgiveness is but also in how to go about forgiving.
Persistence: The Path to Becoming Forgivingly Fit
Why Kids Need to Learn How to Forgive
GreatSchools, Oakland, California, USA–Learning how to forgive helps children feel better about themselves and those around them, improves academic performance, and enhances their physical well-being.
That’s a summary of the scientific review presented in March by GreatSchools, an organization that “helps parents to unlock educational opportunities for their child.” The review, called “Why teach kids to forgive?” is subtitled: “Peacemakers, poets, and researchers agree: forgiveness heals hurts and is good for the forgiver.”
“Research has associated not-forgiving with depression, anxiety, and hostility,” according to GreatSchools. “Multiple studies find a higher rate of compromised immune systems and heart problems in adults who hold grudges. Conversely, children and adults who are able to let go of angry feelings when they’ve been wronged experience greater psychological well-being.“
“When a child feels lingering anger and hurt, forgiving is what will help them recover—from that hurt, and maybe others as well.” – Great Schools
In part, the GreatSchools review was based on the work of Dr. Robert Enright, the University of Wisconsin psychology professor and founder of the International Forgiveness Institute. During Dr. Enright’s 30+ years of forgiveness research, he has developed a system of Curriculum Guides for children in grades K-4 through 12th grade that teaches them forgiveness and how to integrate it into their lives.
GreatSchools, for example, cites an Enright study of 6- to 9-year olds in Belfast which found that students who learned to forgive reduced their anger in general toward everyone, not just toward the person who harmed them.
“Children who learn how to forgive also gain an edge academically, and the reason may be as simple as having more energy available to focus on constructive pursuits,” according to GreatSchools. “Their brains aren’t fuming, recounting the hurt, and plotting revenge; instead, they’ve got a clean slate where they can organize information and think creatively.”
In another Enright study, this one at the middle school level, students showed measured improvement in written English, math, and social studies; in their attitude toward school and their teachers; and in their relationships with their parents and other kids.
Editor’s Note: The GreatSchools review was conducted by Hank Pellissier, the founder/director of the Brighter Brains Institute.
Read more:
♥ Why teach kids to forgive? – GreatSchools
♥ Why Kids Need to Learn How to Forgive – Greater Good
♥ Dr. Enright’s Research on the Benefits of Forgiveness – International Forgiveness Institute
Should I Forgive?
Excerpt from pages 37-38 of the book, The Forgiving Life by Dr. Robert Enright:
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Nietzsche said that only the weak forgive. In other words, if you have to keep a job, then you forgive. If you find another job, then you can boldly tell that boss where he can go as you strut out the door. Yet, is this philosopher Nietzsche talking about genuine forgiveness? I don’t think so.
