Ask Dr. Forgiveness
I work hard on forgiveness, but sometimes I get to a week in which I do not want to even think about it or what happened to me. During these times, what can I do to not feel guilty or uncomfortable about setting forgiveness aside?
Let us take an analogy here. Suppose you have a physical fitness regimen. Do you work out every week for an entire year or do you take some time off to refresh, to heal, to re-group? Physical trainers tell us to take some time off. It is good for us. Think of becoming forgivingly fit in the same way. Hard work is good, but we need some time off to refresh and re-group so that we come back to that work with renewed enthusiasm.
Is it harder to forgive if a person is filled with anger compared with another person who is filled with pain and sorrow after being treated unfairly?
It seems to me that if the anger is very intense and includes resentment or even hatred, then, yes, it is harder to forgive. Some people who are fuming with anger cannot even use the word “forgiveness” because it intensifies the anger. At the same time, if a person has deep sorrow, sometimes there is an accompanying lack of energy and the person needs some time to mourn first. At such times, the person needs to be gentle with the self as emotional healing takes place.
It seems to me that anger is not always a bad thing. Can’t people be energized by their anger, focus, and attain fairness?
Yes, anger can be part of the motivation for achieving good. Yet, we have to make a distinction between anger within reasonable bounds (the emotion does not disable us, is not extreme) and anger that turns to resentment (a long-lasting and intensive anger that can lead to fatigue, distraction, and even physical complications). If we do not make this distinction, we could slip into resentment and conclude that it is good rather than dangerous in the long-term.
How can forgiveness get my money back?? It is worthless!
U heard this recently from a person who lost a lot because of serious theft against him. Here is the answer: Forgiveness will NOT get your money back…….but you are looking in the wrong place for forgiveness’ value. Forgiveness will give you your well-being back. There is its value.
What are your latest forgiveness projects?
We have five projects right now at the International Forgiveness Institute:
1) We have a bumper sticker campaign entitled, “Drive for Others’ Lives.” The point is that, when driving, people are encouraged to think about those in the other cars and to behave in such a way as to respect them for the purpose of keeping them safe.
2) We are working on forgiveness interventions for people who are without homes, specifically those who: a) have unjust treatment from others in the past; b) are experiencing now excessive anger, anxiety, and depression in need of healing; and c) currently are not forgiving the people from the past for their injustices. We expect that the forgiveness intervention toward those from the past will lessen the current psychological challenges and possibly aid them in securing more stable housing across time.
3) We are doing similar programs (as described in #2 above) for people who are in prison.
4) Forgiveness education through our curriculum guides for educators of children (as young as age 4) through adolescence (up to age 18).
5) We are planning an international forgiveness conference in July, 2022 for educators, particularly educators who have been teaching forgiveness in Hong Kong, Northern Ireland, and Israel and the West Bank.
