Ask Dr. Forgiveness
The sixth of 15 criticisms I see regarding forgiveness is this: When traumatized by others, avoid forgiveness because it is a sign of disrespect toward the self.
When traumatized, it is your choice to forgive or not. If you forgive well, you offer yourself the opportunity of deep psychological healing. This is hardly disrespecting yourself.
The seventh of 15 criticisms I see about forgiveness is this: There is a “dark side” to forgiveness in that you let others take advantage of you.
The answer is similar to your points 2 and 4. You should ask for fairness when you forgive. This is not dark, but instead sheds light onto the problem so that you can solve that problem well.
The eighth of 15 criticisms I see about forgiveness is this: To forgive is to cancel the debt the other owes you and so you never get back what is due.
When you forgive, as stated several times now, you do not cancel justice. Yes, you can cancel any obligation the other person has in helping to heal your wounds, but even here your forgiving, to be more complete, involves kindness and even love (on its highest level) which goes way beyond canceling the other’s obligation to help you to heal.
The ninth of 15 criticisms I see about forgiveness is this: Forgiving others lowers your self-esteem as you focus more on those who did wrong than on healing yourself.
There is a paradox of forgiving in that as you reach out to the others with forgiveness, offering a second chance as well as kindness and love, it is you, the giver, who heals. Scientific studies have demonstrated the validity of this paradox.
The tenth of 15 criticisms I see about forgiveness is this: When you proclaim your forgiveness, it only serves to make the one who offended you feel guilty.
To forgive offers a lot more consequences than just having the offending person feel guilty. As we saw in our point 9, forgiving can heal you, the forgiver, psychologically. Your forgiving can help to restore a relationship, if the other is amenable to this. Yes, your proclamation of forgiving may make the other feel guilty and this is a very good thing if the other is guilty of injustice. The feeling of guilt may aid the person in repenting and therefore changing unjust behavior.
