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The Man Who Killed My Daughter. . .
Star Journal, Rhinelander, WI – For many parents, losing a child in a car crash caused by a drunken driver would set up a lifetime of anger and resentment. For Patty Bonack, that was never a thought.
“Even when I learned she (Jenny) was killed by a drunk driver I had a powerful feeling of forgiveness come over me,” Patty said. “I attribute that to the Holy Spirit working in my heart. I don’t think I could have felt that way on my own.”
Jenny was on her way home from work in Madison on Aug. 31, 2009, when her car was T-boned by a car driven by Jesse Ruegsegger. His blood alcohol level was .24. The 29-year-old Ruegsegger eventually received an eight year prison sentence with nine years probation and Patty was glad for that.
“Even though I had forgiven him, I still wanted him to pay for what he did,” she said. “I wanted him to know how much harm he had done to our family.”
Since then, Patty has not only forgiven Ruegsegger, but made him a part of her life. That journey to embrace the man who killed her daughter has resulted in a book, The Man Who Killed My Daughter: A Story of Tragedy and Triumph that was just recently released.
“I wrote a children’s book a long time ago that I never published,” she said. “But this time I felt a strong pull to write this book. I wanted to write about the power of forgiveness and how it has affected my life.”
After reaching out to Ruegsegger’s family, Patty was contacted by a production company that had been commissioned by the military to film an educational video about drinking among military personnel. The film’s producer wanted Patty to be featured along with Jesse Ruegsegger.
“I figured something good was coming from Jenny’s death,” said Patty. “Maybe someone watching this film would think twice about drinking and driving and save someone else the pain we were going through. I think it will make a big impact on soldiers.”
Read the full story: “The power of forgiveness after a tragedy”
Mercy on the Hurting
Suppose that each of us had a little red light on the top of our heads. Further suppose that whenever we are feeling beaten down by the injustice of another, that little red light started to blink.
What do you think? Do you think there then would be mercy in the world as we, each of us, responded to the one whose light-of-pain was going off?
We all kind of hide behind a veneer of civility—well dressed, well mannered….and sometimes dying even a little bit inside.
No one sees the “dying even a little bit inside” because it is hidden. Others really do not want to see it……It is an inconvenience to see it.
Yet, it is there…..for all of us at one time or another.
That little blinking red light would be a sign to us that we are all hurting. It would be a concrete sign that mercy is necessary….even more so than civility.
That little red light would be our teacher….and perhaps soften our hearts…..and help us to learn that offering mercy should be our first response, not our last one after we all dress up in our finery, with our impeccable manners…..that keep the hurting invisible to us.
Try to see that little blinking red light on the top of each person’s head today even if it is not there. Try to see it anyway.
Robert
You Can Stop the Bullying–Find Out How
Unless we eliminate the anger in the hearts of those who bully, we will not eliminate bullying.
It is our contention that bullying starts from within, as anger, and comes out as displaced anger onto the victim. Our new Anti-Bullying Forgiveness Program targets this anger and then reduces it, thus reducing or eliminating the displaced anger which comes out as bullying.
Forgiveness: A Pathway to Emotional Healing – October 16
Spend the day gaining a new perspective on forgiveness with the man Time magazine calls “the forgiveness trailblazer” – Robert Enright, UW-Madison Professor and founder of the International Forgiveness Institute.
In this 6-hour program, you will learn the answers to these questions:
- What is forgiveness? What is it not?
- Why forgive?
- What is the pathway to forgiveness?
- How can you help your clients bring forgiveness to their lives; and how can we all bring forgiveness to our families, schools, work places and other communities for better emotional health?
Prof. Enright will also share his multi-step process leading to forgiveness, which is based on his more than 25 years of scientific research. Some concepts you will explore are:
- Uncovering Your Anger
- Deciding to Forgive
- Working on Forgiveness
- Discovery and Release from Emotional Prison
Approved Hours/Continuing Education Credits: 0.6 CEU = 6.0 hours of professional continuing education for Social Workers, Counselors, WI Psychologists, Marriage and Family Therapists, WI Substance Abuse Counselors, and other professionals. See Seminar Brochure for details.
Date: October 16, 2013
Place: Pyle Center, 702 Langdon Street, Madison, WI 53706-1487
Time: 9 a.m. – 4:00 p.m.
Cost: In-Person: $150.00; Recorded Audio: $75.00.
Get the Seminar Brochure and registration information.
For more information contact conference coordinator Barbara Nehls-Lowe by phone at 608-890-4653 or by email at bnehlslowe@dcs.wisc.edu.
