Tagged: “Anger”
I read a while back one of your essays on self-loathing and forgiveness. Can you point me in the right direction so that I can re-read that essay?
Yes, that essay was published on Psychology Today’s website here:
The Cure for Self Loathing? Self-Forgiveness, July 22, 2017
What Does Forgiveness Entail?
Photo by Ann H, Pexels.com
On January 26, 2026, Richard Balkin, a professor at the University of Mississippi, published an article on the website The Conversation discussing forgiveness. In two places on the site, he defines forgiveness this way:
- “At its core, forgiveness is internal: a way of laying down ill will and our emotional burden……”
- “……forgiveness comes when we relinquish feelings of ill will toward another.”
Is this philosophically correct? We would say no because it is reductionistic, focusing on only half of the equation when it comes to the moral virtue of forgiveness. If forgiveness is a moral virtue, then, as a moral virtue, it concerns goodness toward others. More specifically, when it comes to forgiveness, the person is exercising goodness toward the one who behaved unjustly. This would involve not only the free-will attempt to reduce or eliminate “ill will” but also, to be more complete, its essence needs to include the struggle to offer positive feelings, thoughts, and behaviors toward the other person as well, even if the other is no longer in the forgiver’s life. In other words, even without reconciliation, a forgiver can speak well of the offending person to others. Reducing ill will and offering goodness captures the essence of forgiveness more accurately than the appropriation of either one alone.
The article can be read here:
One other question: Might self-forgiveness lead to an excessive focus on myself? I do not need self-absorption.
You need the moral virtue of temperance when you forgive others and when you forgive yourself. In other words, take some time, but do not overdo it when forgiving others or yourself. The exercise of the virtue of temperance will be a protection against overdoing a focus on the self.
Thank for your answer to my previous question about self-forgiveness. I still am having a problem with self-forgiveness. It is this: How can I genuinely decide whether I have wronged myself, given that I am now the defendant (I did wrong) and the judge of my own conduct? In a court of law, the defendant and the judge differ. In the case of self-forgiveness, aren’t I taking on both roles?
No, you are not taking on both roles of defendant and judge when you forgive yourself. Why? It is because when you self-forgive, you are not doing so in a court of law. Instead, you are deciding, through your own conscience, that you did wrong and you are welcoming yourself back into the human community, just as you do when you forgive others who have hurt you. The courtroom analogy for self-forgiveness is a false analogy.
In your experience, what is one big stumbling block to self-forgiveness?
I have found that some people reach the incorrect conclusion that self-forgiveness is impossible because they cannot forgive their own sins. Yet, when you self-forgive, you are not forgiving your sins. Instead, you are striving to rekindle a sense of your own self-worth, having compassion on yourself for what you did. It is similar to forgiving other people. You do not forgive their sins when you forgive, but instead are responding to them with mercy, as worthwhile people in spite of the unjust behavior.
